Monday, August 22, 2016

Grieving is Essential to Move Forward

 A reader of mine sent me this article Everything Doesn't Happen For A Reason. I could have written this article. The author articles beautifully how I see and feel too.

So true “Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.” And some losses are so big that always be carried and felt into the end of time.

“I hate to break it to you, but although devastation can lead to growth, it often doesn't. The reality is that it often destroys lives. And the real calamity is that this happens precisely because we've replaced grieving with advice. With platitudes. With our absence.” 

Sadly in most cases devastation doesn’t lead to growth, but, actually it destroys lives precisely because we refuse to face our childhood repression and take time to grieve our losses.  

Like I wrote below in response to Gala’s comment on my story:  “Hello Sylvie ~ Although painful, the challenges you faced from childhood are a gift ... for now you have the wisdom to be ... Best of the Season! Gala

Gala, Thank you for writing. The experience of abuse in childhood is not a gift. They are a tragedy. The gift was leaving Portugal and finding Alice Miller’s books. Every time a child is abused is a tragedy not a gift. Because if that child does not find an enlightened witness; the child will be lost forever. We all know how our society lacks true enlightened witnesses. Please read the article The Essential Role of an Enlightened Witness in Society

Grieving our losses is the only way to the path to freedom and to experience authentic joy. All the bullshit about forgiveness and others myths are prostheses that keeps us stuck and trapped.  Just like my enlightened witness Alice Miller wrote in her book “For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence” page 83 “Morality and performance of duty are artificial measures that become necessary when something essential is lacking.  The more successfully a person was denied access to his or her feelings in childhood, the larger the arsenal of intellectual weapons and the supply of moral prostheses has to be, because morality and a sense of duty are not sources of strength or fruitful soil for genuine affection.  Blood does not flow in artificial limbs; they are for sale and can serve many masters.”


Saturday, August 13, 2016

The story of Paulo Gonçalves, the man who decided to put an end to the Portuguese Island of Madeira

Seeing Portugal and the Portuguese island of Madeira on fire breaks my heart.  


Reading the article below it just gives evidence to what I wrote in my blog Adoption is not the fairy tale society wants you to believe. The article is in Portuguese, but I translated the headline into English


"Is 24 years old, was abandoned by his parents as a child, doesn’t get along with those who have adopted him. He entered early in to the drug world. On Monday, after years destroying his life, Paul decided to put an end to Madeira."

This is why I would never take a risk of bringing a new life into the world to give up for adoption! Behind every crime a personal tragedy lies hidden. Will ever society find the courage to look at the roots causes of all the horrific events we witness in our world, so we can prevent them from keep happening again and again in the future? 

The trauma of separation and adoption is real, but of course,  there are always exceptions to the rule,  if the adoptive parents are conscious of the traumas and the loss their adoptive child suffered, they can help their adoptive child heal these traumas. But this happens very seldom and that's a risk i would never take of carrying a pregnancy to term and give birth to a new being to give up for adoption. Because it's like playing Russian roulette with the lives of defenseless little babies and children. 

 These words by Alice are so true: “You are right, unwanted children are usually mistreated. But there exist as a rule also a huge amount of people who were "wanted" indeed, but only for playing the role of the victims that their parents needed to be able to take revenge on. They were wanted to give their parents what the parents never had gotten from their own parents: love, adoration, attention and so many other things. Otherwise, why would so many people have five or more children when they have no time for them? Why do they adopt children if their body refuses to give them what they apparently "want?”
The never acknowledged, never felt pain of their childhood calls for being avenged. They go to church, they pray, they honor their parents, forgive them everything – and they mistreat their children at home, often in a very cruel way, AS IF THIS WERE THE MOST NATURAL THING, because they learned this so early. Their children learn this perverted behavior, also very early, and will later do the same; and so this perverse behavior continues for millennia. Unless people are willing to SEE the perversion of their parents and are ready to consciously refuse to imitate it.
You are not being "sickeningly sarcastic," you only dared to speak out the truth that most people are afraid of seeing or talking about.”


 I also could not agree more with Alice Miller's words below: 

"I have no doubt that behind every crime a personal tragedy lies hidden. If we were to investigate such events and their backgrounds more closely, we might be able to do more to prevent crimes than we do now with our indignation and moralizing. Perhaps someone will say: But not everyone who was a battered child becomes a murderer; otherwise, many more people would be murderers. That is true. However, humankind is in dire enough straits these days that this should not remain an academic question. Moreover, we never know how a child will and must react to the injustice he or she has suffered-there are innumerable "techniques" for dealing with it. We don't yet know, above all, what the world might be like if children were to grow up without being subjected to humiliation, if parents would respect them and take them seriously as persons. In any case, I don't know of a single person who enjoyed this respect* as a child and then as an adult had the need to put other human beings to death. * By respect for a child, I don't mean a "permissive" upbringing,which is often a form of indoctrination itself and thus shows a disregard for the child's own world." For Your Own Good, page 196 and 197

Wouldn't had been better his mother had access to an abortion when he was just a fertilized egg than bring a new being into the world just to suffer and make others suffer --- anyone that says otherwise is a sadist -- we as a society should be working for a world  where every child born is planed, wanted and loved by parents in position to care and protect a child.   

Just like I wrote in my book A Dance to Freedom Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions page 137: " Everything we become as an adult is connected to our childhood: Our experiences are a chain of events that bring us to the present moment, for better or worse. A criminal is never guilty just by himself. If society at large could ever find the courage to learn from the chain of events that occurred in each criminal’s life from day one, we could prevent many future crimes and a lot of unnecessary suffering."

Also these words by Alice Miller from the interview given to Noreen Taylor come to mind: "I think that the violent teenagers are demonstrating what happened to them emotionally when they were small. I have no doubt about that. It might not always be a harsh discipline but in most cases there is emotional neglect, lack of authentic communication, of warm, friendly contact. If this lack is also covered by what is called "spoiling" (buying a lot of expensive objects to replace love), the child is often unable to detect the neglect and stays bound to denial. Anyway, every child must deny the pain in order to survive. Only in adulthood is it possible to realize the truth. But the more the childhood history is repressed, the more its cruelty denied, the less these young people are able to feel, to confront the actual reasons of their distress, the stronger they feel urged to act destructively. They have not always conscious memories of what happened in their childhood, especially in infancy, but this knowledge is stored up in their body's cells and, amazingly enough, they threaten others exactly the same way as they were threatened on the beginning of their life. Unfortunately, the common, ever-present avoidance of the issue "childhood" doesn't make things easier. I discuss this problem in my book Paths of Life, 1999, and The Truth Will Set You Free, 2002.

The misled brain and the banned emotions

The Facts:
1. The development of the human brain is use-dependent. The brain develops its structure in the first four years of life, depending on the experiences the environment offers the child. The brain of a child who has mostly loving experiences will develop differently from the brain of a child who has been treated cruelly.
2. Almost all children on our planet are beaten in the first years of their lives. They learn from the start violence, and this lesson is wired into their developing brains. No child is ever born violent. Violence is NOT genetic, it exists because beaten children use, in their adult lives, the lesson that their brains have learned.
3. As beaten children are not allowed to defend themselves, they must suppress their anger and rage against their parents who have humiliated them, killed their inborn empathy, and insulted their dignity. They will take out this rage later, as adults, on scapegoats, mostly on their own children. Deprived of empathy, some of them will direct their anger against themselves (in eating disorders, drug addiction, depression etc.), or against other adults (in wars, terrorism, delinquency etc.)
Questions and Answers:
Q: Parents beat their children without a second thought, to make them obedient. Nobody, except a very small minority, protests against this dangerous habit. Why is the logical sequence (from being a misled victim to becoming a misleading perpetrator) totally ignored world-wide? Why have even the Popes, responsible for the moral behaviour of many millions of believers, until now never informed them that beating children is a crime?
A: Because almost ALL of us were beaten, and we had to learn very early that these cruel acts were normal, harmless, and even good for us. Nobody ever told us that they were crimes against humanity. The wrong, immoral, and absurd lesson was wired into our developing brains, and this explains the emotional blindness governing our world.
Q: Can we free ourselves from the emotional blindness we developed in childhood?
A: We can – at least to some degree – liberate ourselves from this blindness by daring to feel our repressed emotions, including our fear and forbidden rage against our parents who had often scared us to death for periods of many years, which should have been the most beautiful years of our lives. We can’t retrieve those years. But thanks to facing our truth we can transform ourselves from the children who still live in us full of fear and denial into responsible, well informed adults who regained their empathy, so early stolen from them. By becoming feeling persons we can no longer deny that beating children is a criminal act that should be forbidden on the whole planet.
Conclusion:
Caring for the emotional needs of our children means more than giving them a happy childhood. It means to enable the brains of the future adults to function in a healthy, rational way, free from perversion and madness. Being forced to learn in childhood that hitting children is a blessing for them is a most absurd, confusing lesson, one with the most dangerous consequences: This lesson as such, together with being cut off from the true emotions, creates the roots of violence.
www.alice-miller.com
© 2015 Alice Miller

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Science is on my Side

I just saw the article below online about trauma being passed down through our genes. Just proves what I already know and shows adoption or children artificially conceived with a donor is fxxked up, because every child has the birthright to know their genetic makeup and not be cut off from it. 
Adoption is not the fairy tale society wants you to believe
Children’s anger for being brought to these fxxked situations and for being cut off from their own genetic makeup is very much justified, even if they can’t put their finger on it, where the roots of their  anger comes from and can’t articulate it. They need and enlightened witness to help them see, feel and understand the roots of their anger and help them articulate their feelings, so they can heal and break the chains of compulsions repetition. As long unresolved trauma remain in the dark or in the unconscious will keep festering and contribute to the chaos we witness in the world. 

These words by Alice Miller from her book For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence on Mary Bell come to mind: "Psychotherapeutic treatment is not inexpensive and is often criticized on these grounds. But is it less expensive to lock up an eleven-year-old child for the rest of her life? And what good will that do? A child who has been mistreated at such an early age must be able to tell in some way or other about the wrong that has been done her, about the [psyche] murder perpetrated on her. If she has no one, she will not find the language for it and can tell it only by doing what was done to her. This awakens our horror. But the horror should be directed at the first [psyche] murder, which was committed in secret and has gone unpunished. Then we might be able to help the child to experience her story on a conscious level so that she will no longer have to tell it by means of disastrous enactments."
Also the words below by Alice Miller come to mind:
"Children who are lectured to, learn how to lecture; if they are admonished, they learn how to admonish; if scolded, they learn how to scold; if ridiculed, they learn how to ridicule; if humiliated, they learn how to humiliate; if their psyche is killed, they will learn how to kill--the only question is who will be killed: oneself, others, or both." -- Alice Miller
above excerpt from Pedagogy Fills the Needs of Parents, Not of Children



“Biological Secrets
Melissa began cutting herself as a teenager. When she was 14, she literally carved the words“FAT PIG” into her inner thigh. As the story unraveled, it turned out that Melissa was adopted, but was not told this until she was 21. She went to visit her biological mother and learned that she had been raped when she was 14 (the same age that Melissa had carved the words ‘fat pig’ into her thigh), and this is how she had been conceived.
“She visits her biological mother and she finds out that her mother, at exactly the same age, was raped. When Melissa came to me, she was 27 and had been cutting her body for 13 years. I asked her: ‘Fat pig, what is fat pig?’ And she says: ‘A fat pig is someone who takes something that isn’t his.’ She used the pronoun ‘his’, but she had never made the connection, and of course, she didn’t know why she cut herself. Yet, her trauma language was etched into her body.
In some cases involving self-injury, explains Wolynn, “There’s can be a perpetrator and a victim in the family history that no one talks about, and a trauma that hasn’t been resolved. It’s very dual: bad and good. The victim-perpetrator experience gets expressed in the behavior of the self-injurer. In a single action, she perpetrates on herself, and at the same time, she is victimized by herself. When Melissa carved FAT PIG on the sexual part of her leg, she was carving the action of the rape of a mother she never knew she had. She was enacting it as if it were her thigh that the rapist was on.” After working with Wolynn, Melissa stopped cutting.

Nonduality and Trauma


“When we uncover this trauma language and make the link, we can have more peace. If the light never shines on this language and never shines on this link, the trauma can stay embedded in our experience as ‘ours,’ and that’s the problem,” explains Wolynn, who believes that trauma, as suppressed experience, has a charge of energy that seeks release, if not through the body of the victim, then through the bodies of the children in future generations. “The energy of a trauma doesn’t dissipate by itself,” he explains. “It doesn’t stay boxed up.”
Trauma is literally alive in our DNA, often from conception. “Traumatic events can be stored and passed on biologically to the next generation. Along with these traumatic residues, a new skill set can also be passed forward, ensuring that the next generation will be more prepared to manage similar traumas. But problems can result when we’re walking around reacting to traumas that haven’t happened to us directly, but live on in our genes.
“To heal these imprints,” says Wolynn, “we often need to have an experience powerful enough to override the old trauma response, and then we need to practice the new feelings of this experience.” By doing so, we pull traction away from the highly efficient trauma cycle that keeps us in a state of suffering, and engage other areas of the brain—specifically our prefrontal cortex—so that new neural pathways are created and our brains can change.

The Hero’s Journey

For Mark Wolynn, inherited trauma is not a rare occurrence linked only to exceptional events,“Many of us carry some aspect of unresolved trauma from the past, yet we rarely think to connect our depression or anxiety or physical symptoms to the events of the previous generation. Instead, we tell ourselves: ‘That’s just the way it is. That’s the way I’m wired.’ People could live freer lives if they just explored their family history. The healing of inherited trauma is a service,” says Wolynn, “not only to ourselves, but to our ancestors and to our children.
On a higher level, I believe these traumas are important, because they lead us on a hero’s journey. We enter the path through introspection, through looking at what’s uncomfortable, by being able to tolerate what’s uncomfortable, and then by journeying in to what’s uncomfortable and emerging on the other side in a more expansive place, using what was contracting us as the source of our expansion. Many of us don’t realize that the trauma we are born to heal is also the seed of our expansion.”

If you like to read the full article click in the link below:

Comments from the sharing of this blog on Facebook:

Monica Chelagat I brushed through the links on inherited trauma. Though it makes sense, I think Alice Miller made the concept of trauma and healing much simpler. It is normal that an unhealed parent will be anxious and this anxiety may affect the children.

Sylvie Imelda Shene I agree with you, Monica. I have not seen anyone put it better than Alice Miller. But I do like the title of his book It Didn’t Start with You. Because since I was a little girl I could feel that it didn’t start with me and hated it being blamed as a child for everything that was wrong in the family! I knew I had inherited my father and mother’s traumas. I also used to say to myself that the pain would stop with me. And this is what I am most proud of in my life that I resolved these traumas and didn’t pass it into anyone else. It stopped in me!Monica Chelagat I do not like the 'inherite'. You were victim if both passive and active abuse. They were the way the were because of their unresolved trauma. To be certain you are trauma free is ones reaction to their own children at all phases of their lives to adulthood.
 Inheritance means you have no control but automatically in the DNA. Alice was not in agreement on genetically inherited violence or mental disturbances. I agree with her on this.

Sylvie Imelda Shene Me too I agree with Alice Miller 100% that violence is learned, but if these traumas go unresolved for many generations, it will start being imprinted in our DNA, but we can start on a path to healing and change these DNA imprints, otherwise evil will be born anew with each new generation!

"Evil is born anew with every new generation
In the Middle Ages there was a widespread belief in “changelings.” The term referred to children of the devil smuggled into ordinary, well-meaning mothers’ cradles in exchange for the babies they had actually brought into the world. Though there is no indication whom the devil is supposed to have sired these wicked, diabolical children on, or what he did with the good ones he spirited away, the fact is that mothers of so-called changelings were instructed to bring those children up with especial strictness, meaning that they should beat them black and blue at the slightest sign of recalcitrance as this was the only hope of molding them into human beings worthy of the name. Though we no longer believe in changelings today, the belief in the effectiveness of corporal punishment, the idea that we can “beat some sense” into rebellious children, appears to be unshakable in the minds of most people. Even Sigmund Freud believed that a sadist takes pleasure in tormenting others because he has been unable to adequately sublimate the death instinct we are allegedly all born with. Genetics provides an “updated” version of the idea of innate evil. It is frequently asserted that there are genes that drive some people to commit evil deeds even if they have had “lots of love” in their childhood. I have yet to come across such an individual. All the childhood histories of serial killers and dictators I have examined showed them without exception to have been the victims of extreme cruelty, although they themselves steadfastly denied this. And in this they are not alone. Large sections of society are apparently determined either to deny or to ignore these facts. Taken to its logical conclusion, this genetic theory ought to be able to explain why, 30 years before the advent of the Third Reich, Germany should have brought forth millions of children whose genetic make-up was so badly contaminated that in adulthood they were ready and willing to lend themselves to Hitler’s atrocities without turning a hair. Why has there never been such an accumulation of rogue genes in Germany before or since? It is a question I have asked repeatedly and I have never received an answer. The reason is simple. There is no answer. Hitler’s henchmen were victims of their upbringing. They belonged to a generation of children who had been exposed to brutal physical correction and humiliation and who later vented their pent-up feelings of anger and helpless rage on innocent victims. Safe in the knowledge that they were doing so with the Führer’s blessing, they were finally able to give free rein to those feelings without risk of punishment. Today children are brought up very differently in Germany. But wherever cruelty and humiliation still plays a part in parenting, those methods are faithfully reflected in the behavior of young people denying the pain of the humiliation they have been through, selecting and attacking scapegoats, and advancing harebrained ideological reasons for their depredations. The gene theory is just as incapable of explaining evil as the changeling legend or the death instinct. According to statistical surveys (see Olivier Maurel, La Fessée, La Plage, 2001) 90% of the people alive today believe that children need a “good” smacking from time to time if anything is to come of them. The truth is very different, and it is high time we faced up to it. Evil exists. But it is not something that some people are born with. It is produced by society, every day, every hour, unceasingly, all over the world. It starts with the treatment meted out to newborn babies and carries on in the parenting methods practiced on small children. Such children may BECOME criminal at a later stage, if they have no helping witness to turn to. In their childhood years, serial killers and dictators all have one thing in common: they had no such witnesses to turn to for help."
Read more here
“…today we know too much about the lingering effects of violence against children to silently tolerate this lack of information. We should know that the whole society will pay the price for our blindness. A government of a civilized country can no longer ignore this knowledge. You can’t claim the right to play with nuclear weapons on your territories, only because they belong to you. The society’s interests go before your pleasure and your habits. The government must defend these interests. To call it thus “totalitarian” makes so little sense as to insult the fire brigade in a burning house.
Look around: When children are small some parents reclaim the sacrosanct “right to them” like to a property. But as soon as they become violent or drug addicted and then emotionally inaccessible these parents are eager to grant their rights to society. The children are no longer “our” children, protected in the sacrosanct family, they become “social cases” and the anonymous taxis-payers will have to pay for the prisons and hospitals these once so eagerly disciplined teenagers will need."

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Letter from the Director of Correspondence of Hillary Clinton

Yesterday I received the e-mail below from the Director of Correspondence of Hillary Clinton thanking me on her behalf for sending her my book A Dance to Freedom and the open letter to the media. If nothing else, I hope if Hillary wins in November that my book helps her make wise decisions as a president and gets the world on a path to healing and liberates us from wars and the senseless violence we witness in our world today.
#HillaryClinton

From: Correspondence
Date:07/18/2016 5:14 PM (GMT-07:00)
To: sylvie@sylvieshene.com 
Subject: Thank You


Dear Ms. Shene:
Thank you for your letter to Secretary Clinton, and for sending her an inscribed copy of your book, A Dance to Freedom.  

Thanks, too, for sending a copy of your heartfelt “Open Letter to the Media.”  Secretary Clinton is running for president to fight for all Americans to have the opportunity to fulfill their potential and to forge a future where everyone in our country receives the respect, appreciation, and dignity they deserve. 
Please know how much we appreciate your support, and your vote.  On Secretary Clinton’s behalf, please accept my best wishes.
Sincerely,
Robert Vincent Russo
Director of Correspondence
Hillary for America

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

The Conversation About the Effects of Childhood Repression Needs to Start Happening in the Stage of the World

Sylvie Imelda Shene shared a memory — with Adrienne Silverman.


Sylvie Imelda Shene with Adrienne Silverman at The Little Woody.
July 12, 2014Phoenix



Sylvie Imelda Shene Wow, it has been two years already since I published my book!

Martine Belliard: And on that day, life as you knew it was over as well as the lives of every soul who dared reading it and are forever transformed. Thanks to you and Ed Sweet for daring. Congratulations! Life carries on...

Sylvie Imelda Shene Thank you for your lovely comment, Martine. This book would never have been possible without Ed Sweet's daring to work with me and his writing expertise. It’s not because it’s my book, but it’s an urgency the world pays attention to my book together with Alice Miller’s books, and the conversation about the effects of childhood repression in our society begins to happen in the stage of the world, if we want to save ourselves and humanity from falling off the cliff and committing mass suicide. Everyone is trying to change the world at the surface, especially like so many people using the political machine and religion to manipulate the masses, making things worse in the long run, and no one wants to look at the root causes of how we got here?! Into this messed up world! It’s very frustrating, because trying to change the world at the surface, no matter what people do, the changes will always just be superficial and temporary.
These words by Alice Miller that I quote in my book could not be truer:
“It is not true that evil, destructiveness,
and perversion inevitably form part of
human existence, no matter how often this
is maintained. But it is true that we are
daily producing more evil and, with it, an
ocean of suffering for millions that is
absolutely avoidable. When one day the
ignorance arising from childhood
repression is eliminated and humanity
has awakened, an end can be put to the
production of evil.”
— Alice Miller, Banished Knowledge, p. 143

Friday, July 1, 2016

We are all Prisoners of our Childhood

"We are all prisoners of our childhood, whether we know it, suspect it, deny it, or have never even heard about the possibility. The realization that we can free ourselves from the consequences of old wounds will gain ground as more people prove it can be done. Inevitably, resistance to following this path is great, as we all fear our repressed past and the experience of how helpless we once were. We have had good reason to be afraid; if we did not, there would have been no need for repression. Yet the more we encounter our fear and dare to see its causes, the more it decreases." Read more here


In my book A Dance to Freedom, I prove it that it can be done! :-) And once you break free from the emotional prison of your childhood, not even a mob of sociopaths, like I had in my job of nine and half years, can trap you and take you back to the emotional prison of your childhood. 

 Soooo true: "Therapy brings permanent benefits only when the truth about the past is made accessible and remains accessible for the rest of our lives. Only if we remain open to our constantly evolving feelings - today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow - and have the tools to understand them can we claim health, clarity, and independence for ourselves. Claim them, and maintain them. Only thus can we keep our feet on firm ground, and not be dependent on drugs, gurus, groups, or theories that teach us how to change our past. " Read more here

No one so far has come close to getting it this deep like Alice Miller has: "5. It is a great mistake to imagine that one can resolve traumas in a symbolic fashion. If that were possible, poets, painters, and other artists would be able to resolve their pain through creativity. This is not the case, however. Creativity helps us channel the pain of trauma into symbolic acts; it doesn't help us resolve it. If symbolic revenge for maltreatment received in childhood were effective, then dictators would eventually stop humiliating and torturing their fellow human beings. As long as they choose to deceive themselves about who really deserves their hatred, however, and as long as they go on feeding that hatred in symbolic form instead of experiencing and resolving it within the context of their own childhood, their hunger for revenge will remain insatiable (see Miller 1990a)." Read more here

Renewing my Nursing License

Some poignant comments below from the my Facebook status  of  Friday, June 18

Sylvie Imelda Shene Friday I looked into renewing my nursing license, because it’s time for me to get out of the security business!!! I have met the best and the worse in this business and saw what the face of true “PURE” evil feels and looks like!!! It would never had crossed my mind to work in this type of business, but after I moved back to Portugal in the fall of 2003 for a year and a half to be with my mother before she passed in 2004. And when I came back to Arizona in the spring of 2005, I went to live in a gated community house sitting for a lady friend, because I had just gotten back from Europe, I didn’t have a car yet! I wanted to get a job close by, so I walked to the gate house and asked if they had any openings and they said yes and that’s I got started in this business! It was perfect! But it has been almost 11 years and it’s time to get out of this business! Because my nursing license have expired for over two years, I have to take again the Arizona State Board of nursing exam, so starting Monday I will start studding for my exam!
In health care most people’s bodies are felling them and feeling at their worse, so they truly appreciate a kind and sympathetic heart. It’s had work, but at least I’m truly appreciated and respected! 
Wish me luck!!!

Donald Warner Parker Sending you my Best Wishes for your reembarking on your nursing career and may you sail through those upcoming exams. Whoever has you as their nurse will be most fortunate to have someone with such "a kind and sympathetic heart," that I am sure will be " truly appreciated and respected!", as you richly deserve.

Sylvie Imelda Shene Thank you, Donald! Being a nurse is very hard work and I burnout very quickly, but I wish I never had let my License expire, because I need to have a backup just in case. Have anyone notice that the shooter in Orlando worked in the security business?! The security business is a magnet for people with time bombs in their brains! Just like my ex-boss that was a bank robber!!! I have come to the conclusion that a lot of rich people are white color criminals and they like to hire other criminals to do their dirty work and to protect them, and they don't like honest and authentic people like me around. The world is in a real serious trouble

Donald Warner Parker Your welcome, Sylvie! I am sure that being a nurse is very hard and demanding work and being such a sensitive person to peoples suffering burning out quickly is most understandable. You may wish you had never let your License expire as you need to have backup just in case, however fortunately life took you down other roads that your book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions describes in great detail, and all that has unfolded since that you have written about, material for yet another book perhaps. Apparently "The security business is a magnet for people with time bombs in their brains!", as your examples of the shooter in Orlando and your ex-boss that was a bank robber graphically illustrates. Naturally with your life experience you "have come to the conclusion that a lot of rich people are white color criminals and they like to hire other criminals to do their dirty work and to protect them, and they don't like honest and authentic people like me around." As the old saying goes "birds of a feather flock together" and the last thing that dishonest people, "People of the Lie", as Scott Peck calls them, wants around is people like you that are honest and authentic, who hold up a mirror to their lies, just with their presence, even if they do not say anything. They will avoid this like the plague and be compelled to annihilate and destroy someone like this (whom they use as a scapegoat) in their presence to keep their own repression and denial of their childhood traumas intact, as you know and understand so well, and have found out the hard way through your own direct personal experience, and survived thanks to the extensive work you have done to face up to and resolve your childhood traumas. It must be a big relief to be leaving that part of your life behind and moving into a new phase. Congratulations!

Sylvie Imelda Shene Thank you for your very thoughtful comment,Donald. You are one of the very few people that read my book that really understands and gets it! Yes, since I publish A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions I have gather a lot of material for another book! And I hope Ed and I to start working on it very soon. I read Scott Peck’s book “People of the Lie” Sadly our world is full of people living and spreading lies everywhere and the saddest part is that most people in our society believe these lies!
The words below by Alice Miller come to mind --- and this is why the world is so fxxxked up, because most people believe the lies, first told by their parents in childhood, and then in adulthood by those in power positions standing in symbolizing their parents. Lies fuels the violence we witness everywhere and is destroying society. "Children who are told the truth and are not brought up to tolerate lies and cruelty can develop as freely as plant whose roots have not been attacked by pests (in our case, lies)" 
Telling Children the Truth

Donald Warner Parker Your most welcome Sylvie for my comment that I was touched to hear that you found very thoughtful. I was also touched and it means a lot to me that you think I am "one of the very few people that read my book that really understands and gets it!" I amstill slowly reading and re-reading your book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions as different parts of it sink in more each time and I have found it most helpful and supportive to confront some of what has been going on in my life and how it links up with my childhood and stay present to the feelings that surface. It's so true what you wrote in your book, "As you allow the events in your life to unfold, all that's really required of you is that you observe the feelings that arise naturally to the surface. You don't have to force it -- they will come up on their own! Just be sure to brace yourself because you'll likely have to look back and face some painful truths and memories -- many of which may shock you" page 160. I have very much appreciated your emphasis on not forcing from my first reading of it and recognized that it was of great importance not to do so, a trap I am sure that I and many others have fallen into, which of course is a reenactment of how our parents and caregivers could not allow us to just be as we were and putting pressure on us to perform. I have no doubt from what you have been sharing about that you have gathered a lot of material for another book, that I will look forward to reading. I whole-heartedly agree with you when you write, "Sadly our world is full of people living and spreading lies everywhere and the saddest part is that most people in our society believe these lies!", which is a disturbingly telling barometer of the degree of repression and denial of childhood trauma in our culture (as I am sure you well know), where the truth is so unwelcome and shunned like the plague, as it's so threatening, and the consequent lashing out, targeting and scapegoating of people who are honest and authentic and speak about the "forbidden knowledge" as Alice Miller called it, who unwittingly trigger the rage, hatred and violence of formally abused, neglected and mistreated children who did not have the freedom to be themselves and had to falsely accommodate and conform in order to survive to such an extent that they are totally aggressor identified and are compelled to do so. Thank you for enclosing the Preface of the book Free from Lies by Alice Miller that is not available on her website, that I will make sure to share sections of on various facebook pages with the link to your website Sylvie Imelda Shene FACING CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS.

"I sincerely believe that we not only have the right to know what is good and what is evil; we have the duty to acquire that knowledge if we hope to assume responsibility for our own lives and those of our children. Only by knowing the truth can we be set free. Only in this way can we free ourselves from the fears and anxieties we knew as children, blamed and punished for sins we did not know we had committed, the fateful fear of the sin of disobedience, that crippling anxiety that has wrecked so many people’s lives and keeps them in thrall to their own childhood.

Given the right help, we as adults can free ourselves from that terrible spell. We can procure vital information and realize that we are no longer forced to search for some profound logic in everything our educators and religious instruction teachers passed to us as the gospel truth – and which was nothing other than the product of their own anxieties. You will be amazed at the relief you will feel when you step out of that stifling role. Then, at last, you will claim your right to face reality head-on, to reject illogical justifications, and to remain true to your own history." -- Alice Miller

above excerpt from The Truth Will Set You Free 
Prologue: Thou Shalt Not Know
Alice Miller Index nospank.


Sylvie Imelda Shene Dear Donald, I was so glad to read that my book is being helpful to you and a support in your life. It makes it all worth it, even after being attacked by a mob of sociopaths at my job of nine and half years, if it helps one person all my hard work and sacrifices are all worth it. The saddest thing for me is that, in order to keep myself safe, I have to be careful who I share my knowledge with. I’m sure I’m having the same experiences Alice Miller had when she made these psychological discoveries and try to share them with the world, and she, like me, she was persecuted and ostracized. A lot of people rather kill you than face their own painful truths and to keep their illusions intact that protects them from seeing and feeling. NOW, I’m sure she went through the same persecution I went through in my last job of nine and half years for trying to share and educate the public of the dangerous of childhood repression. I don’t think most people will ever know the intensity of having a mob of sociopaths stalking your soul all at once and plotting behind closed doors to murder your soul. Even Alice Miller's adult son, in order to keep his illusion of psychoanalysis intact that protects him from having to feel the repressed emotions of the child he once was, he is trying to discredit the pioneering work his mother made later in life. Now, I have no doubt her experiences with her adult son that burst her illusion with psychoanalysis and were the catalyst to her psychological discoveries and her books. 
The fact that so many people believe in lies is a barometer of the degree of repression and denial of childhood suffering. These words you wrote could not be truer: “which is a disturbingly telling barometer of the degree of repression and denial of childhood trauma in our culture (as I am sure you well know), where the truth is so unwelcome and shunned like the plague, as it's so threatening, and the consequent lashing out, targeting and scapegoating of people who are honest and authentic and speak about the "forbidden knowledge"
No, without the truth we cannot heal and be set free. Thank you for sharing the excerpt from The Truth Will Set You Free.
Most people don’t want awake people around them, period! Everyone loves me until they find out how much I understand the human mind --- the moment they find out that I can see behind the pretty masks people wear, then I become their target to destroy. Most rich people live in much fear hiding behind their money and religion and that’s why they hire other criminals to do their dirty work and to protect them.


Donald Warner Parker Dear Sylvie, Again your book has been very helpful and a great support in my life and I am sure also for other people as well. Of course you need to be careful as to who your share your knowledge with (and naturally are saddened about it) and no doubtAlice Miller had similar experiences of being persecuted and ostracized. Alice Miller warned her readers a number of times in her books and Readers' Mail of how hostile, vicious and downright hateful people can become confronted with the truth of her discoveries about child abuse, neglect and mistreatment. It hits a main cable that few people are willing or have the capacity to recognize and face up to, and so of course instead directing their hatred at the people who hurt them early in their lives (in the container of their self-therapy or with an enlightened witness, which are all too rare as you know), who are really responsible for it, they need scapegoats to project it onto as you so well know and wrote in your book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions, "People who idealize their childhoods, or otherwise ignore their pain, have limitless cravings for scapegoats on whom they can avenge themselves for the fears and anxieties of childhood," page 83. I completely agree with what you wrote above, "A lot of people rather kill you than face their own painful truths and to keep their illusions intact that protects them from seeing and feeling." I know from my own life experience just how true that is. From what you have described about what you have gone through from your last job of nine and a half years "for trying to share and educate the public of the dangerous of childhood repression," I'm sure it's true what you wrote, " I don’t think most people will ever know the intensity of having a mob of sociopaths stalking your soul all at once and plotting behind closed doors to murder your soul." It sounds really horrible from all you have described, and I am sorry you have had to go through it. From what little I have read in regards to Martin Miller from a few abridged interviews, what stood out for me was how his mothers work saved his sanity and his life from what he went through at his father's and her hands, which I found to be a validation of her work. The truth of Alice Miller's discoveries and her body of work stands on it's own regardless of how anyone may try to discredit it. Again I completely agree with you when you write, "Most people don’t want awake people around them, period!" It's simply just too threatening to their repression and denial of their childhood trauma and makes them too uncomfortable whether they are conscious of it or not, and not to be underestimated as to how far they could go to maintain their illusions. Like you wrote "Everyone loves me until they find out how much I understand the human mind --- the moment they find out that I can see behind the pretty masks people wear, then I become their target to destroy." They want to smash the mirror rather than look at the truth being reflected back to them in it, again as you so well know the extent of, and found out the hard way going through a living hell of being persecuted and ostracized.

"Readers frequently tell me of the hostility they encounter when they declare their allegiance to the cause of protecting children. Their attitude challenges a system that for most people represents a familiar, reassuring frame of reference. New information can be a source of uncertainty, and in the face of uncertainty the temptation is to resort to threatening behavior-similar to the intimidation parents use to bring their children up to be "good" and always do as they are told. This confronts enlightened witnesses with the same kind of painful rejection that children experience at the hands of their parents.

In some cases the reaction is so extreme that it amounts to moral condemnation, if not downright ostracism. It bears similarities to the hatred that led to the systematic persecution of the early Christians. Though the effects of this hatred are by no means comparable (the early Christians were brutally tortured and slain), there are significant parallels between the fury aroused in both cases by people openly supporting the protection of children that was preached and practiced by Jesus himself ("Suffer the little children to come unto me," Mark 10:14)." -- Alice Miller

above excerpt from BARRIERS IN THE MIND
Chapter 7 from The Truth Will Set You Free
by Alice Miller www.nospank.net/miller18.htm
The Truth Will Set You Free
Alice Miller Index wwwnospank.net/milindex.htm


Sylvie Imelda Shene Dear Donald, thank you AGAIN for your very thoughtful comment. I started responding to your last comment, but got distracted by other things and just today came back to finish it. Yes, I read many times Alice Miller’s warnings in her books and in the readers’ mail about how hostile, vicious and downright hateful people can become when confronted with the truth of her discoveries about child abuse, neglect and mistreatment. These words she wrote in the letter title Homosexuals are not an Exception could not be truer: ““…But be careful and don't give such information to anybody who does not ask you for. They would kill you rather than accept the truth that they suffered abuse in childhood. You know how much time it takes to confront oneself with one's own childhood. So don't try to be a healer in telling people what they definitely don't want to know. You can only heal yourself, and this is much, very much.”
http://www.alice-miller.com/.../homosexuals-are-not-an.../

She also warned me directly in her reply to my first letter to her Standing on My Feet. And while working on my book with Ed Sweet I mentioned to him a few times that some people at my work might turn against me and I could lose my job, so I was very well aware of the risks, but I never thought, they would go to such extremes, but I’m glad I wrote my book, because I really got to see firsthand how most people are wolfs in sheep’s clothing acting as if personality pretending to be good people and I removed their pretty masks and veils. The worst of them have been those casting themselves as being experts on childhood trauma and healers and I thought they were on Alice Miller side, but have been the most fake. I might publish some of the exchanged e-mails with these people anonymously of course, so others can see and feel the poisonous of these people that cast themselves as more knowledgeable expert and better than others. Just like it says in the post you shared on Facing Childhood Traumas: ‘Unfortunately, narcissists in positions of high visibility or power—particularly in the so-called helping professions (medicine, education, and the ministry)—often do great harm to others.”

"One important aspect of NPD that should be noted is that it does not prevent people from occupying, as well as aspiring to, positions of power, wealth, and prestige. Many people with NPD, as Kernberg's classification makes clear, are sufficiently talented to secure the credentials of success. In addition, narcissists' preoccupation with a well-packaged exterior means that they often develop an attractive and persuasive social manner. Many high-functioning narcissists are well liked by casual acquaintances and business associates who never get close enough to notice the emptiness or anger underneath the polished surface.

Unfortunately, narcissists in positions of high visibility or power—particularly in the so-called helping professions (medicine, education, and the ministry)—often do great harm to others. In recent years a number of books and articles have been published within the religious, medical, and business communities regarding the problems caused by professionals with NPD. One psychiatrist noted in a lecture on substance abuse among physicians that NPD is one of the three most common psychiatric diagnoses among physicians in court-mandated substance abuse programs. A psychologist who serves as a consultant in the evaluation of seminary students and ordained clergy has remarked that the proportion of narcissists in the clergy has risen dramatically since the 1960s. Researchers in the field of business organization and management styles have compiled data on the human and economic costs of executives with undiagnosed NPD. Rebecca J. Frey, Ph.D., Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders"
Read more: http://www.minddisorders.com/Kau-Nu/Narcissistic-personality-disorder.html#ixzz3WAoi7wbB

Narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths in the health professions are the most confusing, deceiving and cause great harm, because they talk a good talk in public, but when they are alone with a person they fear that might expose the emptiness and insecurities that’s when they become very vicious, and if they can, they will destroy you to protect their false self. I wonder if the truthful words written above are written by an authentic person or if they writing by a narcissist, sociopaths or psychopath. I will never know unless I have an interaction with him. 
I too have read Martin Miller’s words where he says his mother’s books saved him and I totally believe him that Alice Miller’s psychological discoveries saved him from losing his mind completely, but I also see how he is still stuck in the hate of the child he once was towards his mother and never truly liberated himself and never found his own autonomy. I have had people writing to me in total confusion caused by Martin Miller’s writings -- he is creating a lot of confusion out there -- in one hand he is talking a good talk and in the other hand he is still stuck in the emotions of the child he once was and this is causing a lot of confusing for people that still looking for a way out of their own emotional prisons. As long we remain in the state of dependence we will remain stuck in anger -- just like Alice Miller wrote in the article ‘What is Hatred?“: “…a person we are at the mercy of and either cannot free ourselves of, or at least believe that we cannot. As long as we are in such a state of dependency, or think we are, then hatred is the inevitable outcome. It is hardly conceivable that a person being tortured will not feel hatred for the torturer. If we deny ourselves this feeling, we will suffer from physical symptoms.” http://www.alice-miller.com/en/what-is-hatred/ 
His mother is dead, but it seems he never found his own way, autonomy and still is dependent on his mother. As long we remain in the state of dependency our anger will not resolve, but increases. Alice Miller wrote in one of her books that she learned a lot from the intense discussions with her adult son and I have no doubt about it, that she learned a lot and were the catalyst to her liberation and an inspiration for her books and many articles. You are completely right the “truth of Alice Miller's discoveries and her body of work stands on it's own regardless of how anyone may try to discredit it.”

Also these words I wrote to Alice Miller talking about BR and her answer came to mind: You know when I read her book and articles and the answers to your reader’s mail, which I enjoy reading, I could feel that she still was repressed and harboring illusions. What she was writing was not coming from her true feelings, but from her head.
I call people like that parrots—they have great smarts, memories, and are very talented at writing and articulating, but they really don’t understand what they are saying. They are not capable of feeling their repressed feelings and they unconsciously project those repressed feelings onto scapegoats.
AM: Thank you for your thoughtful letter I agree with you that there is a difference between the powerless, legitimate rage of a desperate child that reacts to the cruelty of their parents and the rage of the adult who is attacking others out of denial of their history by imitating the behavior of own parents from the position of “power” (even grandiosity). The first rage (of the child) should be felt and expressed in therapy, it can be then RESOLVED. The second one (of the adult), directed toward scapegoats, can NEVER be resolved (see dictators). If therapists see it as an end point of their therapies and don’t enable the patients to confront the early parents and the feelings of that time they do much HARM to them. Staying trapped in the hatred toward scapegoats can’t be the successful end of a therapy. I hope that you can continue your work if you have this difference in mind and can also explain it in your forum.

Randell Peterson And MUCH better pay, too!

Sylvie Imelda Shene Yes, it’s better pay! But it's a lot of hard work!!! Working in gated communities it’s kind of fun, if the security business didn’t attract so many malignant narcissists!!! You get to meet some really cool people! But I’m so tired of working with malignant narcissists…

Monica Chelagat Very similar to where I worked. A lot of interesting people from allover the world, but it is full of sociopaths!

Boniface Niba ALL WILL BE FINE !

Sylvie Imelda Shene Yes, Boniface. In the end we all be FINE! As long we don't react negatively to the sociopaths lies and mind games!
Remember! Rise above the sociopaths' bullshit, because reacting to their lies and bullshit, it's what they want and it's what gives them power.