Saturday, May 6, 2017

Questioning Parents -- The Ultimate Taboo

Dear Sylvie,

i am freaking out a little bit
my body has shown acute, severe symptoms of urticaria, esp in face
swollen allover, red spots, itching like hell
as well my two underarms...
i know, it shows my inner conflicts so much...
i try to look at it, as honest as i can
and don't take pharmaceuticals, just some homeopathic stuff, tea, bath etc.

i feel too chased to write more details...
but want to share, what makes me even more sick:

when searching German google version about
"courage to question parents"

then the first result is:
"family relations - how to live reconciled with your parents"

the second result is:
"pdf "concept: cooperation with parents" (text from a school)

the third is: (at least)
"upbringing/ education starts with self education of the parents)
this is a book written by a couple, which doesn't`t give the worst impression, but they seem to be as well one of these people, who need success and career for their well-being and maybe not brave enough to really face the truth....but i will give that a better prove, don' t want to judge them wrongful

the fourth search result is an article in a famous German weekly newspaper:
"parents need more courage to confront misbehaving children"

all further stuff appearing from this search is diffuse and not encouraging at all
mostly blaming the child/ teenager anyway...

it is no topic at all, to question parents is a huge taboo...
at least if one looks for a deeper level...
this is the sad truth...

if you feel like publish this on you side, feel free.
might be the same at English speaking google search...

greets from J in uproar...

Dear J,

Thank you for writing. I'm sorry to read you are having a loud witness in your body. I hope you are feeling better today. Like Alice Miller wrote in her book The Body Never Lies: "Inability to face up to the suffering undergone in childhood can be observed both in the form of religious obedience and in cynicism, irony, and other forms of self-alienation frequently masquerading as philosophy or literature.  But ultimately the body will rebel. Even if it can be temporarily pacified with the help of drugs, nicotine, or medicine, it usually has the last word, because it is quicker to see through self-deception than the mind, particularly if the mind has been trained to function as an alienated self. We may ignore or deride the messages of the body, but its rebellion demands to be heeded because its language is the authentic expression of our true selves and of the strength of our vitality."

Yes, your google search is very discouraging and I will publish it on my blog as soon I have some time. Questioning the parents is the ultimate taboo in our society. People's idealization of their parents and childhoods is what keeps humanity stuck in the vicious circle of repetition compulsion.

Just as I write in my book page 84,85 and 86: "I believe that the idealization of one’s own parents and childhood is a major obstacle to the betterment of our whole society. Since so many people believe that their parents are always right, it’s much easier for them to follow other people in power positions, who cast themselves as mother or father figures disguised as educators, healers, cult leaders, therapists, gurus and government officials. We become extremely vulnerable when we refuse to face the truth about the people who raised us. Someone with a false self is an easy target for exploitation, which can threaten not only individuals, but also society as a whole. The only thing that can save us is to make sure that more people are true to themselves. We need more people who can fight the power, starting in their own homes.

Alice Miller describes these individuals as “people who had the good fortune of being sure of their parent’s love, even if they had to disappoint certain parental expectations. Or people who, although they did not have this good fortune to begin with, learned later — for example, in analysis — to risk the loss of love in order to regain their lost self.”51 According to Alice Miller, these people so appreciate their freedom from trauma and tyranny that “they will not be willing to relinquish it again for any price in the world.”52 When we idealize our childhoods we become just like our childhood abusers and the vicious cycle continues. And we keep holding on to the false hope of eventually gaining love and acceptance from our parents, or from those who stand in to symbolize our parents. Idealizing the people who raised us puts us in danger, physically and emotionally. Alice Miller believes that the body knows our traumatic history and remembers the cruelty we had to endure as children without being able to really feel it, process it and move beyond it in a healthy way.

“… As long as we are compelled to protect our parents we pay our loyalty with our depressions,” she writes. But “…by discovering and understanding the pain of the former neglected child you start to love and cherish him, perhaps for the first time in your life.”53

She expands on the idea in For Your Own Good: “If the tragedy of a well-meaning person’s childhood remains hidden behind idealizations, the unconscious knowledge of the actual state of affairs will have to assert itself by an indirect route. This occurs with the aid of the repetition compulsion. Over and over again, for reasons they don’t understand, people create situations and establish relationships in which they torment or are tormented by their partners, or both. Since tormenting one’s children is a legitimate part of childrearing, this provides the most obvious outlet for bottled up aggression.”54 This is how the vicious cycle of repetition compulsion has been going on since the beginning of human history."

You are right, sadly most people fall into the illusions that having an education, career and money alone -- what they see as "success" as  all they need to solve all their problems and for their well-being. These illusions are near to impossible for most people to brake free from.


 AM: Certainly, if I knew of some therapists who would be respectful enough to answer your questions; free enough to show indignation about what your parents have done to you; empathic enough when you need to release your rage pent up for decades in your body; wise enough to not preach to you forgetting, forgiveness, meditation, positive thinking; honest enough to not offer you empty words like spirituality, when they feel scared by your history, and that are not increasing your life-long feelings of guilt – I would be happy to give you their names, addresses and phone-numbers.


Unfortunately, I don’t know them, but I still like to hope that they exist. However, when I am looking for them on the Internet I find plenty of esoteric and religious offers, plenty of denial, commercial interests, traditional traps, but not at all what I am looking for. For that reason I gave you with my FAQ list tools for your own research. If a therapist refuses to answer your questions right from the start, you can be sure that by leaving him you can save yourself your time and your money. If you don’t dare to ask your questions out of your fear of your parents, your fear may be highly understandable. However, trying to do it anyway may be useful because your questions are important and by daring to ask them you can only win.

6- I talk so much about the “topic” of child abuse because it is essential and nobody else teaches about this topic in universities. It is still taboo although childhood is the base of the whole life, and the ignorance on this issue is very dangerous for all societies on our planet."
Read more here
Wishing strength and courage and take extra good care,

Sylvie







Do I consider myself a feminist?

Sylvie, do you consider yourself a feminist? I am interested because someone I know claims that feminism is a hate cult and that patriarchy is a myth. I don't know what to make of this.

Answer: No, I don’t consider myself a feminist, but if being a feminist is for everyone's rights and equality then I could be a feminist, because I'm a supporter of everyone's rights and equality.  I do agree that a of lot of women that call themselves feminists, just like a lot of men that idealize their mothers and take revenge on all other women for the wrongs done to them by their own mothers when they were defenseless little children. A lot of feminists do the same; they idealize their mothers and transfer the hate of the little girl they once were into men in general making men their scapegoats. Hate can never be resolved by scapegoating, it only can be resolved when seen and felt in the right context.

The comments below I made on a Facebook post came to mind:

Sylvie Imelda Shene: I have tried to stay out of discussions and commenting on other people’s posts, because I have a tendency to trigger people’s repressed anger and then they delete me in anger, but I can’t help myself and have to make this comment. I don’t consider myself a feminist per se, but I am for women’s rights, children rights and men’s rights, I am for every breathing living beings' rights. I know a lot of feminists are too afraid to go to the roots why some men and women try so hard to repress them, but I am grateful for a lot of the accomplishments some feminists were able to do before me and I have come to enjoy thanks to their hard work. Even though I wished the feminists had the courage to go deeper, because as long we refuse to go to the roots causes, will always going to be oppressors trying to repress us.  I totally understand their fears. Laurie accuses the feminists being a hate group, but I see Laurie’s anger very clear being transferred at the feminists groups also. Until people really consciously feel the fears and anger of the child they once were within the context of their own childhood, they will unconsciously and compulsively look for a scapegoat to relieve pen up anger and it seems the feminists have come to be the perfect scapegoat for Laurie. 
These words below Alice Miller wrote to me before she passed come truer every day: “AM: I have learned over the years of my work on the internet that there are readers who SEEM to understand SOME of what I have written, at least intellectually, but they are still so afraid of their very cruel parents and of their repressed FEELINGS of rage towards them that they are constantly looking for scapegoats. They thus live in a continual confusion pretending that they are healed and even offering help and empathy to others. But eventually they use unconsciously other people (even the ones who are quite friendly to them) as a poisonous container like their parents did to them, and if the offended people begin to defend themselves they can become very mean. I can only urge you to trust your feelings and to NOT offer your empathy and interest to everybody just because they say they read and understood everything I have written. In most of the cases it is a lie. To understand my books means to overcome the fear of one’s parents, to honestly feel the justified rage TOWARD THEM and to no longer use others to getting free from the accumulated rage.”

Sylvie Imelda Shene: What makes me the saddest is when women masquerading with their illusion of love for men and even unborn children oppress or stand in the way of other women’s body autonomy and freedom. Even though I understand why some women hate women and want to take revenge on other women for the wrongs done to them when they were defenseless little children by their own mothers or other woman caregivers in their lives, my biggest oppressors in my childhood were also women, but directing this latent hate at other women makes them no different of the men that take revenge on other women for what their mothers did to them when were defenseless little boys. Hate will always be insatiable and until is understood and felt within the context of our childhood will  endless look for new victims to take revenge for the wrongs done to them when they were little, because hate cannot ever be resolved by scapegoating, but only when is seen and consciously felt and understood within the context our own childhood. Until women are free to make their own choices without external pressures, they will sadly oppress others overtly or covertly, under the mask of the illusion of love, especially their children. These words by Alice Miller just came to mind: ““We cannot really love if we are forbidden to know our truth, the truth about our parents and caregivers as well as about ourselves. We can only try to behave as if we were loving, but this hypocritical behavior is the opposite of love. It is confusing and deceptive, and it produces much helpless rage in the deceived person. This rage must be repressed in the presence of the pretended “love,” especially if one is dependent, as a child is, on the person who is masquerading in this illusion of love.” (The Drama of the Gifted Child: The search for the True Self) Page 23 So if we really like and care about men and children, we have to do what we can to aid women’s liberation so they can carry pregnancies to term and give birth to children by choice and love and raise children in freedom and not by external manipulations and coerced to carry pregnancies to term and give birth to new beings by force, because anything done by force or manipulations never has a good outcome. Until women are truly free to make their own decisions, no one around them will be truly free either, especially their children, raising a new generation of oppressors continuing the vicious circle endless.
Alice Miller says best: “It is a great mistake to imagine that one can resolve traumas in a symbolic fashion. If that were possible, poets, painters, and other artists would be able to resolve their pain through creativity. This is not the case, however. Creativity helps us channel the pain of trauma into symbolic acts; it doesn't help us resolve it. If symbolic revenge for maltreatment received in childhood were effective, then dictators would eventually stop humiliating and torturing their fellow human beings. As long as they choose to deceive themselves about who really deserves their hatred, however, and as long as they go on feeding that hatred in symbolic form instead of experiencing and resolving it within the context of their own childhood, their hunger for revenge will remain insatiable”
http://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/#!/2012/07/introduction-to-revised-edition-1995.html
https://www.facebook.com/wendy.priesnitz/posts/10151911577964832


Scapegoating

Donald Warner Parker: Sending you my Best Wishes for your reembarking on your nursing career and may you sail through those upcoming exams. Whoever has you as their nurse will be most fortunate to have someone with such "a kind and sympathetic heart," that I am sure will be " truly appreciated and respected!", as you richly deserve.

Sylvie Imelda Shene Thank you, Donald! Being a nurse is very hard work and I burnout very quickly, but I wish I never had let my License expire, because I need to have a backup just in case. Have anyone notice that the shooter in Orlando worked in the security business?! The security business is a magnet for people with time bombs in their brains! Just like my ex-boss that was a bank robber!!! I have come to the conclusion that a lot of rich people are white color criminals and they like to hire other criminals to do their dirty work and to protect them, and they don't like honest and authentic people like me around. The world is in a real serious trouble

Donald Warner Parker: Your welcome, Sylvie! I am sure that being a nurse is very hard and demanding work and being such a sensitive person to peoples suffering burning out quickly is most understandable. You may wish you had never let your License expire as you need to have backup just in case, however fortunately life took you down other roads that your book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions describes in great detail, and all that has unfolded since that you have written about, material for yet another book perhaps. Apparently "The security business is a magnet for people with time bombs in their brains!", as your examples of the shooter in Orlando and your ex-boss that was a bank robber graphically illustrates. Naturally with your life experience you "have come to the conclusion that a lot of rich people are white color criminals and they like to hire other criminals to do their dirty work and to protect them, and they don't like honest and authentic people like me around." As the old saying goes "birds of a feather flock together" and the last thing that dishonest people, "People of the Lie", as Scott Peck calls them, wants around is people like you that are honest and authentic, who hold up a mirror to their lies, just with their presence, even if they do not say anything. They will avoid this like the plague and be compelled to annihilate and destroy someone like this (whom they use as a scapegoat) in their presence to keep their own repression and denial of their childhood traumas intact, as you know and understand so well, and have found out the hard way through your own direct personal experience, and survived thanks to the extensive work you have done to face up to and resolve your childhood traumas. It must be a big relief to be leaving that part of your life behind and moving into a new phase. Congratulations!

Sylvie Imelda Shene: Thank you for your very thoughtful comment,Donald. You are one of the very few people that read my book that really understands and gets it! Yes, since I publish A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions I have gather a lot of material for another book! And I hope Ed and I to start working on it very soon. I read Scott Peck’s book “People of the Lie” Sadly our world is full of people living and spreading lies everywhere and the saddest part is that most people in our society believe these lies!

The words below by Alice Miller come to mind --- and this is why the world is so fxxxked up, because most people believe the lies, first told by their parents in childhood, and then in adulthood by those in power positions standing in symbolizing their parents. Lies fuels the violence we witness everywhere and is destroying society. "Children who are told the truth and are not brought up to tolerate lies and cruelty can develop as freely as plant whose roots have not been attacked by pests (in our case, lies)" 
Telling Children the Truth

Donald Warner Parker: Your most welcome Sylvie for my comment that I was touched to hear that you found very thoughtful. I was also touched and it means a lot to me that you think I am "one of the very few people that read my book that really understands and gets it!" I am still slowly reading and re-reading your book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions as different parts of it sink in more each time and I have found it most helpful and supportive to confront some of what has been going on in my life and how it links up with my childhood and stay present to the feelings that surface. It's so true what you wrote in your book, "As you allow the events in your life to unfold, all that's really required of you is that you observe the feelings that arise naturally to the surface. You don't have to force it -- they will come up on their own! Just be sure to brace yourself because you'll likely have to look back and face some painful truths and memories -- many of which may shock you" page 160. I have very much appreciated your emphasis on not forcing from my first reading of it and recognized that it was of great importance not to do so, a trap I am sure that I and many others have fallen into, which of course is a reenactment of how our parents and caregivers could not allow us to just be as we were and putting pressure on us to perform. I have no doubt from what you have been sharing about that you have gathered a lot of material for another book, that I will look forward to reading. I whole-heartedly agree with you when you write, "Sadly our world is full of people living and spreading lies everywhere and the saddest part is that most people in our society believe these lies!", which is a disturbingly telling barometer of the degree of repression and denial of childhood trauma in our culture (as I am sure you well know), where the truth is so unwelcome and shunned like the plague, as it's so threatening, and the consequent lashing out, targeting and scapegoating of people who are honest and authentic and speak about the "forbidden knowledge" as Alice Miller called it, who unwittingly trigger the rage, hatred and violence of formally abused, neglected and mistreated children who did not have the freedom to be themselves and had to falsely accommodate and conform in order to survive to such an extent that they are totally aggressor identified and are compelled to do so. Thank you for enclosing the Preface of the book Free from Lies by Alice Miller that is not available on her website, that I will make sure to share sections of on various facebook pages with the link to your website Sylvie Imelda Shene FACING CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS.

"I sincerely believe that we not only have the right to know what is good and what is evil; we have the duty to acquire that knowledge if we hope to assume responsibility for our own lives and those of our children. Only by knowing the truth can we be set free. Only in this way can we free ourselves from the fears and anxieties we knew as children, blamed and punished for sins we did not know we had committed, the fateful fear of the sin of disobedience, that crippling anxiety that has wrecked so many people’s lives and keeps them in thrall to their own childhood.

Given the right help, we as adults can free ourselves from that terrible spell. We can procure vital information and realize that we are no longer forced to search for some profound logic in everything our educators and religious instruction teachers passed to us as the gospel truth – and which was nothing other than the product of their own anxieties. You will be amazed at the relief you will feel when you step out of that stifling role. Then, at last, you will claim your right to face reality head-on, to reject illogical justifications, and to remain true to your own history." -- Alice Miller

above excerpt from The Truth Will Set You Free 
Prologue: Thou Shalt Not Know
Alice Miller Index nospank.


Sylvie Imelda Shene: Dear Donald, I was so glad to read that my book is being helpful to you and a support in your life. It makes it all worth it, even after being attacked by a mob of sociopaths at my job of nine and half years, if it helps one person all my hard work and sacrifices are all worth it. The saddest thing for me is that, in order to keep myself safe, I have to be careful who I share my knowledge with. I’m sure I’m having the same experiences Alice Miller had when she made these psychological discoveries and try to share them with the world, and she, like me, she was persecuted and ostracized. A lot of people rather kill you than face their own painful truths and to keep their illusions intact that protects them from seeing and feeling. NOW, I’m sure she went through the same persecution I went through in my last job of nine and half years for trying to share and educate the public of the dangerous of childhood repression. I don’t think most people will ever know the intensity of having a mob of sociopaths stalking your soul all at once and plotting behind closed doors to murder your soul. Even Alice Miller's adult son, in order to keep his illusion of psychoanalysis intact that protects him from having to feel the repressed emotions of the child he once was, he is trying to discredit the pioneering work his mother made later in life. Now, I have no doubt her experiences with her adult son that burst her illusion with psychoanalysis and were the catalyst to her psychological discoveries and her books. 

The fact that so many people believe in lies is a barometer of the degree of repression and denial of childhood suffering. These words you wrote could not be truer: “which is a disturbingly telling barometer of the degree of repression and denial of childhood trauma in our culture (as I am sure you well know), where the truth is so unwelcome and shunned like the plague, as it's so threatening, and the consequent lashing out, targeting and scapegoating of people who are honest and authentic and speak about the "forbidden knowledge"


No, without the truth we cannot heal and be set free. Thank you for sharing the excerpt from The Truth Will Set You Free.
Most people don’t want awake people around them, period! Everyone loves me until they find out how much I understand the human mind --- the moment they find out that I can see behind the pretty masks people wear, then I become their target to destroy. Most rich people live in much fear hiding behind their money and religion and that’s why they hire other criminals to do their dirty work and to protect them.


Donald Warner Parker Dear Sylvie, Again your book has been very helpful and a great support in my life and I am sure also for other people as well. Of course you need to be careful as to who your share your knowledge with (and naturally are saddened about it) and no doubt Alice Miller had similar experiences of being persecuted and ostracized. Alice Miller warned her readers a number of times in her books and Readers' Mail of how hostile, vicious and downright hateful people can become confronted with the truth of her discoveries about child abuse, neglect and mistreatment. It hits a main cable that few people are willing or have the capacity to recognize and face up to, and so of course instead directing their hatred at the people who hurt them early in their lives (in the container of their self-therapy or with an enlightened witness, which are all too rare as you know), who are really responsible for it, they need scapegoats to project it onto as you so well know and wrote in your book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions, "People who idealize their childhoods, or otherwise ignore their pain, have limitless cravings for scapegoats on whom they can avenge themselves for the fears and anxieties of childhood," page 83. I completely agree with what you wrote above, "A lot of people rather kill you than face their own painful truths and to keep their illusions intact that protects them from seeing and feeling." I know from my own life experience just how true that is. From what you have described about what you have gone through from your last job of nine and a half years "for trying to share and educate the public of the dangerous of childhood repression," I'm sure it's true what you wrote, " I don’t think most people will ever know the intensity of having a mob of sociopaths stalking your soul all at once and plotting behind closed doors to murder your soul." It sounds really horrible from all you have described, and I am sorry you have had to go through it. From what little I have read in regards to Martin Miller from a few abridged interviews, what stood out for me was how his mothers work saved his sanity and his life from what he went through at his father's and her hands, which I found to be a validation of her work. The truth of Alice Miller's discoveries and her body of work stands on it's own regardless of how anyone may try to discredit it. Again I completely agree with you when you write, "Most people don’t want awake people around them, period!" It's simply just too threatening to their repression and denial of their childhood trauma and makes them too uncomfortable whether they are conscious of it or not, and not to be underestimated as to how far they could go to maintain their illusions. Like you wrote "Everyone loves me until they find out how much I understand the human mind --- the moment they find out that I can see behind the pretty masks people wear, then I become their target to destroy." They want to smash the mirror rather than look at the truth being reflected back to them in it, again as you so well know the extent of, and found out the hard way going through a living hell of being persecuted and ostracized.

"Readers frequently tell me of the hostility they encounter when they declare their allegiance to the cause of protecting children. Their attitude challenges a system that for most people represents a familiar, reassuring frame of reference. New information can be a source of uncertainty, and in the face of uncertainty the temptation is to resort to threatening behavior-similar to the intimidation parents use to bring their children up to be "good" and always do as they are told. This confronts enlightened witnesses with the same kind of painful rejection that children experience at the hands of their parents.

In some cases the reaction is so extreme that it amounts to moral condemnation, if not downright ostracism. It bears similarities to the hatred that led to the systematic persecution of the early Christians. Though the effects of this hatred are by no means comparable (the early Christians were brutally tortured and slain), there are significant parallels between the fury aroused in both cases by people openly supporting the protection of children that was preached and practiced by Jesus himself ("Suffer the little children to come unto me," Mark 10:14)." -- Alice Miller

above excerpt from BARRIERS IN THE MIND
Chapter 7 from The Truth Will Set You Free
by Alice Miller www.nospank.net/miller18.htm
The Truth Will Set You Free
Alice Miller Index wwwnospank.net/milindex.htm


Sylvie Imelda Shene Dear Donald, thank you AGAIN for your very thoughtful comment. I started responding to your last comment, but got distracted by other things and just today came back to finish it. Yes, I read many times Alice Miller’s warnings in her books and in the readers’ mail about how hostile, vicious and downright hateful people can become when confronted with the truth of her discoveries about child abuse, neglect and mistreatment. These words she wrote in the letter title Homosexuals are not an Exception could not be truer: ““…But be careful and don't give such information to anybody who does not ask you for. They would kill you rather than accept the truth that they suffered abuse in childhood. You know how much time it takes to confront oneself with one's own childhood. So don't try to be a healer in telling people what they definitely don't want to know. You can only heal yourself, and this is much, very much.”
http://www.alice-miller.com/.../homosexuals-are-not-an.../

She also warned me directly in her reply to my first letter to her Standing on My Feet. And while working on my book with Ed I mentioned to him a few times that some people at my work might turn against me and I could lose my job, so I was very well aware of the risks, but I never thought, they would go to such extremes, but I’m glad I wrote my book, because I really got to see firsthand how most people are wolfs in sheep’s clothing acting as if personality pretending to be good people and I removed their pretty masks and veils. The worst of them have been those casting themselves as being experts on childhood trauma and healers and I thought they were on Alice Miller side, but have been the most fake. I might publish some of the exchanged e-mails with these people anonymously of course, so others can see and feel the poisonous of these people that cast themselves as more knowledgeable expert and better than others. Just like it says in the post you shared on Facing Childhood Traumas: ‘Unfortunately, narcissists in positions of high visibility or power—particularly in the so-called helping professions (medicine, education, and the ministry)—often do great harm to others.”


"One important aspect of NPD that should be noted is that it does not prevent people from occupying, as well as aspiring to, positions of power, wealth, and prestige. Many people with NPD, as Kernberg's classification makes clear, are sufficiently talented to secure the credentials of success. In addition, narcissists' preoccupation with a well-packaged exterior means that they often develop an attractive and persuasive social manner. Many high-functioning narcissists are well liked by casual acquaintances and business associates who never get close enough to notice the emptiness or anger underneath the polished surface.

Unfortunately, narcissists in positions of high visibility or power—particularly in the so-called helping professions (medicine, education, and the ministry)—often do great harm to others. In recent years a number of books and articles have been published within the religious, medical, and business communities regarding the problems caused by professionals with NPD. One psychiatrist noted in a lecture on substance abuse among physicians that NPD is one of the three most common psychiatric diagnoses among physicians in court-mandated substance abuse programs. A psychologist who serves as a consultant in the evaluation of seminary students and ordained clergy has remarked that the proportion of narcissists in the clergy has risen dramatically since the 1960s. Researchers in the field of business organization and management styles have compiled data on the human and economic costs of executives with undiagnosed NPD. Rebecca J. Frey, Ph.D., Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders"
Read more: http://www.minddisorders.com/Kau-Nu/Narcissistic-personality-disorder.html#ixzz3WAoi7wbB

Narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths in the health professions are the most confusing, deceiving and cause great harm, because they talk a good talk in public, but when they are alone with a person they fear that might expose the emptiness and insecurities that’s when they become very vicious, and if they can, they will destroy you to protect their false self. I wonder if the truthful words written above are written by an authentic person or if they writing by a narcissist, sociopaths or psychopath. I will never know unless I have an interaction with him. 

I too have read Martin Miller’s words where he says his mother’s books saved him and I totally believe him that Alice Miller’s psychological discoveries saved him from losing his mind completely, but I also see how he is still stuck in the hate of the child he once was towards his mother and never truly liberated himself and never found his own autonomy. I have had people writing to me in total confusion caused by Martin Miller’s writings -- he is creating a lot of confusion out there -- in one hand he is talking a good talk and in the other hand he is still stuck in the emotions of the child he once was and this is causing a lot of confusing for people that still looking for a way out of their own emotional prisons. As long we remain in the state of dependence we will remain stuck in anger -- just like Alice Miller wrote in the article ‘What is Hatred?“: “…a person we are at the mercy of and either cannot free ourselves of, or at least believe that we cannot. As long as we are in such a state of dependency, or think we are, then hatred is the inevitable outcome. It is hardly conceivable that a person being tortured will not feel hatred for the torturer. If we deny ourselves this feeling, we will suffer from physical symptoms.” http://www.alice-miller.com/en/what-is-hatred/ 

His mother is dead, but it seems he never found his own way, autonomy and still is dependent on his mother. As long we remain in the state of dependency our anger will not resolve, but increases. Alice Miller wrote in one of her books that she learned a lot from the intense discussions with her adult son and I have no doubt about it, that she learned a lot and were the catalyst to her liberation and an inspiration for her books and many articles. You are completely right the “truth of Alice Miller's discoveries and her body of work stands on it's own regardless of how anyone may try to discredit it.”

Also these words I wrote to Alice Miller talking about BR and her answer came to mind: You know when I read her book and articles and the answers to your reader’s mail, which I enjoy reading, I could feel that she still was repressed and harboring illusions. What she was writing was not coming from her true feelings, but from her head.

I call people like that parrots—they have great smarts, memories, and are very talented at writing and articulating, but they really don’t understand what they are saying. They are not capable of feeling their repressed feelings and they unconsciously project those repressed feelings onto scapegoats.

AM: Thank you for your thoughtful letter I agree with you that there is a difference between the powerless, legitimate rage of a desperate child that reacts to the cruelty of their parents and the rage of the adult who is attacking others out of denial of their history by imitating the behavior of own parents from the position of “power” (even grandiosity). The first rage (of the child) should be felt and expressed in therapy, it can be then RESOLVED. The second one (of the adult), directed toward scapegoats, can NEVER be resolved (see dictators). If therapists see it as an end point of their therapies and don’t enable the patients to confront the early parents and the feelings of that time they do much HARM to them. Staying trapped in the hatred toward scapegoats can’t be the successful end of a therapy. I hope that you can continue your work if you have this difference in mind and can also explain it in your forum.


Donald Warner Parker Dear Sylvie, Once again you are most welcome for my comment that I am touched that you found very thoughtful. Coming from you that is a real compliment. Thank you for elaborating on your response to my last comment. Of course knowing Alice Miller's body of work so well and having dedicated your life to spreading her message you have "read many times Alice Miller’s warnings in her books and in the readers’ mail about how hostile, vicious and downright hateful people can become when confronted with the truth of her discoveries about child abuse, neglect and mistreatment." You really found the perfect passage that really states the extent to which she warns people to be careful, and I whole-heartedly agree with you that her words could not be truer, "…But be careful and don't give such information to anybody who does not ask you for. They would kill you rather than accept the truth that they suffered abuse in childhood. You know how much time it takes to confront oneself with one's own childhood. So don't try to be a healer in telling people what they definitely don't want to know. You can only heal yourself, and this is much, very much.” http://www.alice-miller.com/en/homosexuals-are-not-an-exception/

Most understandably you had no idea of the extremes that people at your work could turn against you, even though you were well aware of the risks, until it actually happened, and then the full extent came through with devastating clarity. It is a most valuable and most painful lesson to really get " to see firsthand how most people are wolfs in sheep’s clothing acting as if personality pretending to be good people and I removed their pretty masks and veils." Hard earned wisdom not to be regretted and why would you given that you have had the emotional openness to see it for what it is and learn from it as a result of all the work you have done on yourself with Alice Miller as your enlightened witness. You wrote that "The worst of them have been those casting themselves as being experts on childhood trauma and healers and I thought they were on Alice Miller side, but have been the most fake." A response from Alice Miller that you included in your book on page 191 once again says it all, "I can only urge you to trust your feelings and to NOT offer your empathy and interest to everybody just because they say they read and understood everything I have written. In most of the cases it is a lie. To understand my books means to overcome the fear of one's parents, to honestly feel the justified rage TOWARD THEM, and to no longer use others to get free from the accumulated rage."

You wrote that you have had people writing to you "in total confusion caused by Martin Miller's writings." As I have not read what they have written to you I don't know what their confusion is about. For myself regardless of what I have read in a couple of abridged interviews with Martin Miller about how he suffered at the hands of his mother in her re-enactments with him and her husband, this does change for me the truth and validity of her body of work (and all it has meant and done for me), which once again stands on it's own, regardless of what was going on in her personal life that was not resolved from her childhood, at that time, and consequently re-enacted as described. I do not know how you have responded to these people however I am sure you been very clear and straightforward in whatever you have had to say. Thank you for what you added on, which I well remember from reading in your book.

http://www.alice-miller.com/en/homosexuals-are-not-an-exception/

Randell:  And MUCH better pay, too!

Sylvie Imelda Shene Yes, it’s better pay! But it's a lot of hard work!!! Working in gated communities it’s kind of fun, if the security business didn’t attract so many malignant narcissists!!! You get to meet some really cool people! But I’m so tired of working with malignant narcissists…

Monica Chelagat Very similar to where I worked. A lot of interesting people from allover the world, but it is full of sociopaths!

Boniface Niba ALL WILL BE FINE !

Sylvie Imelda Shene Yes, Boniface. In the end we all be FINE! As long we don't react negatively to the sociopaths lies and mind games!
Remember! Rise above the sociopaths' bullshit, because reacting to their lies and bullshit, it's what they want and it's what gives them power.



Tuesday, May 2, 2017

The Lie We Live

This is why the #media is so afraid of me and my book... because I expose the roots of this lie that the Media and everyone is so invested in...

One thing I have learned after publishing my book is that humanity is much sicker, evil and dangerous then I thought… the majority are too invested in these lies and illusions and they have passed the point of no return.

Yes, most people are living a lie! And this is why I was attacked by a mob of sociopaths at my job of nine and half years, because my book exposes the roots of these lies that are shoved down our throats, first by our parents when we were defenseless little children and later as adults by sociopaths in power positions standing in symbolizing our parents. This is why i wrote my book A Dance to Freedom to show people how to save ourselves from the path of destruction. Unless people resolve childhood repression, they will be driven by the dead hand of their own repression in one form or another sooner or later to hurt themselves others or both.

This why the books of charlatans become best sellers right a way, because they don't expose and challenge these lies in any way shape or form and that's why the media are happy to help promote their books, because it helps spread these lies, helps the sociopaths get richer and doesn't threaten their power position over others.


When Donald Trump says the establish media is fake news, he is right, but he is fake news too! The media have met their match in Donald Trump. 

New Age Bullshit Generator

If we had written a book telling the same old recycled BS that a computer can generate! My book would have been a best seller already! And the reason this BS is so popular with the masses is because it doesn't challenge them to face their own painful childhood repression.


Sunday, April 30, 2017

They do Have Blood on their Hands

Hi E,

Yes, L is  real and fun! I enjoyed talking with her. She is an ex Mormon! I'm happy for her that she broke free from the cult she was born into. 

You know my ex boss that killed himself on my birthday last year was a Mormon too! 

I was the target of the sociopaths in Sxxxxxxxr, because was me they were hoping to mess up and make me lose my mind to self-destruct, but was my ex boss that lost his mind -- it's not a coincidence that exactly a year later of their plot to destroy me, he kills himself. 

When a mob of sociopaths get together to conspire, plan the destruction of a person -- with so much evil energy together --it's like a cyclone and always someone gets hurt or dies! He was collateral damage. Religion had messed him up really bad, just like I give the example of Justin in my book that when he did some thing wrong by teachings of his religion, like drinking a beer with friends -- then he would think that he was going to hell --  so might as well go out and be really bad and this what happened to my boss, because he went along with the sociopaths in Sxxxxxxxr and Sxxxxxxxs in the plot against me that he thought NOW was going to hell and might as well go out and be really bad, like robbing banks. The only reason I survived was because I was in the eye of the storm -- thanks to my own therapy with Alice Miller's books as my enlightened witness --- now I see clear and when I'm caught in a storm, I can ride in the eye of the storm . Free at last!

The sociopaths in Sxxxxxxxr do have blood on their hands...  It's very ironic that these sociopaths hiding behind religion and god were so sure they could get me to self-destruct and then -- I am certain -- they all would go on TV saying I was a person without god and give my life as an example how a person can't live without god to scare the masses and manipulate them to join their cults, but I proved to them the opposite was true, because the religious person with god was the one to self-destruct. Just like I wrote in my book page 137: "Everything we become as an adult is connected to our childhood: Our experiences are a chain of events that bring us to the present moment, for better or worse. A criminal is never guilty just by himself. If society at large could ever find the courage to learn from the chain of events that occurred in each criminal’s life from day one, we could prevent many future crimes and a lot of unnecessary suffering." The sociopath, the property manager, her accomplices and enablers didn't go out robbing banks and didn't pull the trigger to kill my ex-boss, but are just as guilt and they all have blood on their hands.  

If it was me losing my mind, they all be talking about it, but because was one of them to lose their mind. Now everyone is silent and try to cover up his crime and all them being accomplices. The media refuse to give me a voice, because I expose everyone's lies, illusions and the big lie that religion is.We don't need religion. What we need is more people to break free and stand on their own two feet without crutches.

Yesterday when I told L that my ex boss was a Mormon and he had killed himself in a police standoff after robbing a bank in Chandler,  on my birthday! She was shocked and confirmed what I thought that when a Mormon goes bad it goes really bad, just like she said: "Mormon is all or nothing" because if they are going to hell might as well go all out! Just like Justin when he went back to the church, he would be all goody goody, but if he was out with friends and slip and had a beer then would think was going to hell and then might as well go all the way and get really fxxxed up!! 

These words from the book  Stripping the gurus by Geoffrey D. Falk are so true: “…. For, that in no way offsets the blind belief inherent in the claimed necessity of keeping the guru-disciple vow, where the punishment for breaking that vow is to be cast into Vajra hell or the like. East or West, southern U.S. or northern India/Tibet, agrarian or postindustrial, all makes absolutely no difference. Rather, the fear of long-term punishment will produce exactly the same rigid reactions, and inability to walk away from toxic situations, in the East as in the West.  The universal nature of known psychological structures and dynamics throughout the human species guarantees this.

When [alleged] cult leaders tell the public. Members are free to leave any time they want; the door is open,” they give the impression that members have free will and simply choosing to stay. Actually, members may not have a real choice, because they have been indoctrinated to have a phobia of the outside world. Induced phobias eliminate the psychological possibility of a person choosing to leave the group merely because he is unhappy or wants to do something else (Hassan,1990) That is, individuals in so-called cults who have been taught that bad things will happen to them should they leave will be no more “free” to exit those environments than someone who is petrified of water would be “free” to go swimming.”


Talk more soon,

Sylvie

48 hours Story on the Cult Family

Good Morning M,

I stayed up late last nigh watching the 48 hour story on the cult family 

I was not surprised to find out at the end that the cult leader still alive in her mid nineties and some of the children she abused fell ill and died young. 

It gave evidence that people with deep seated unresolved repressed traumas can avoid getting sick and live a long life, if their have an endless available scapegoats at their disposal to use to alleviate their own repression. And was very interesting to see how some of the children she destroyed got sick and died young. No wonder the cult leader in the interviews she gave, she kept proclaiming to love children, of course she loves children, they make the perfect scapegoats she desperately needed to live off to alleviate her own repression.  
Most abusers proclaim to love children...

Just like I wrote in my blog of Friday, May 13, 2016 Secrets to a Long Life 
Maybe one of the secrets to live a long life is to be disconnected for one’s own truth and feelings, but it’s done at the expensive of others and the next generations. When I was a kid I used to say to myself: the pain stops with me and I was willing to die than passing it into an innocent being. I much prefer resolving my own childhood repression to have a chance of living a long life than living a long life at the expense of others. These words by Alice Miller also come to mind: “".Am I saying that forgiveness for crimes done to a child is not only ineffective but actively harmful? Yes, that is precisely what I am saying. The body does not understand moral precepts. It fights against the denial of genuine emotions and for the admission of the truth to our conscious minds. This is something the child cannot afford to do, it has to deceive itself and turn a blind eye to the parents’ crimes in order to survive. Adults no longer need to do this, but if they do, the price they pay is high. Either they ruin their own health or they make others pay the price – their children, their patients, the people who work for them, etc." 

The media only pays attention to the very extreme cases of child abuse, like this one, but ignore the plight of almost every child in our society that is subjected to ordinary abuse every day under the disguise of “upbringing” and “discipline”. For the media to recognize this ordinary abuse and stop child abuse before escalates to an extreme, like this case, they would have to face their own childhood repression and question their own parents. And that’s the last thing they want to do. The repressed fears of the child they once were at their parents can stay with person for the rest of their lives. This is why it’s so hard to demolish the #media’s wall of silence.  And this is why your neighbor is intimidated by me and sent me that BS letter, he is driven by the repressed fears of the child he once was at his parents to close the eyes to this very important story that could be life saving for many people. Just like Alice Miller wrote: … Rather than take the risk, they prefer to forgo information that might be of life-death importance for coming generations."

These words in Alice Miller's article Gurus and Cults Leaders How They Function
 are so true: "The thing that concerns me most about cult groups is the unconscious manipulations that I have described in detail in my work. It is the way in which the repressed and unreflected childhood biographies of parents and therapists influence the lives of children and patients entrusted to their care without anyone involved actually realizing it. At first glance, it may seem as if what goes on in cults and cult like therapy groups takes place on a different level from the unconscious manipulation of children by their parents. We assume that in the former instance we are in the presence of an intentional, careful planned and organized form of manipulation aimed at exploiting the specific predicament of individuals. 

In my view, however, this allegedly conscious exploitation can also be traced back to unconscious motives. Terrible as the consequences were, I do not believe, for example, that the two initiators of “feeling therapy,” discussed earlier, actually set out to establish a totalitarian regime. It was the power they gained over their adherents that made them into gurus. And this is what I have in mind when I refer to the unconscious aspects of manipulation. In the end they themselves become the victims of a process with an inexorable logic of its own, a process they were unaware of because they had never given it any thought.

Thus they sparked off a conflagration they were unable to control, much less extinguish. First, they had learned how to reduce people to the emotional state of the helpless child. Once they had achieved that, they also learned how to use unconscious regression to exercise total control over their victims.  From then on, what they did seemed to come automatically, in accordance, with the child-rearing patterns instilled into them in their own childhood."
Watching this story also gave evidence that formal education alone doesn't save people from falling victims of a cult. Education alone is just another illusion. Resolving childhood repression is the only long term solution for people to stop following blindly political leaders and cult leaders. 

Also Just like Alice Miller wrote in her book For Your Own Good: hidden cruelty in child-rearing and the roots of violence page 42 and 43: "Just as in the symbiosis of the "diaper stage," there is no separation here of subject and object. If the child learns to view corporal punishment as "a necessary measure" against "wrongdoers," then as an adult he will attempt to protect himself from punishment by being obedient and will not hesitate to cooperate with the penal system. In a totalitarian state, which is a mirror of his upbringing, this citizen can also carry out any form of torture or persecution without having a guilty conscience. His "will" is completely identical with that of the government.

Now that we have seen how easy it is for intellectuals in a dictatorship to be corrupted, it would be a vestige of aristocratic snobbery to think that only "the uneducated masses" are susceptible to propaganda. Both Hitler and Stalin had a surprisingly large number of enthusiastic followers among intellectuals. Our capacity to resist has nothing to do with our intelligence but with the degree of access to our true self. Indeed, intelligence is capable of innumerable rationalizations when it comes to the matter of adaptation. 

Educators have always known this and have exploited it for their own purposes, as the following proverb suggests: "The clever person gives in, the stupid one balks." For example, we read in a work on child raising by Grünwald (1899): "I have never yet found willfulness in an intellectually advanced or exceptionally gifted child" (quoted in Rutschky). Such a child can, in later life, exhibit extraordinary acuity in criticizing the ideologies of his opponents--and in puberty even the views by his own parents-- because in these cases his intellectual powers can function without impairment. Only within a group--such as one consisting of adherents of an ideology or a theoretical school--that represents the early family situation will this person on occasion still display a naïve submissiveness and uncritical attitude that completely believe his brilliance in other situations. Here, tragically, his early dependence upon tyrannical parents is preserved, a dependence that--in keeping with the program of "poisonous pedagogy"--goes undetected. This explains why Martin Heidegger, for example, who had no trouble in breaking with traditional philosophy and leaving behind the teachers of his adolescence, was not able to see the contradictions in Hitler's ideology that should have been obvious to someone of his intelligence. He responded to this ideology with an infantile fascination and devotion that brooked no criticism.”  

Also this quote by Alice Miller comes to mind: “Statistical studies are hardly the thing to make disinterested jurists into empathetic and perceptive human beings. And yet every crime, by virtue of being an enactment of childhood drama, cries out for understanding. The newspapers carry these stories every day, but unfortunately usually report only the last act. Can knowledge of the underlying causes of a crime bring about a change in the way justice is administered? Not as long as the primary concerns are to assign guilt and impose punishment. But someday it may be possible to gain understanding for the fact that emerges so clearly in the case Jurgen Bartsch: the accused never bears all the guilt by himself but is a victim of tragic chain of circumstances. Even so, a prison sentence is unavoidable if society is to be protected. But there is a difference between prison being used to punish a dangerous criminal according to the principles of “poisonous pedagogy” and human tragedy being perceived, therapy during confinement. ” Alice Miller “For Your Own Good” page 199 and 200

Also read the blog about Wayne Walter Dyer Sadly the World is Full of Charlatans that Keep us Distracted and Numb