Sunday, April 23, 2017

Touched by Auschwitz

Hi M,

Thank you for bringing to my attention the movie Touched by Auschwitz.

Today is Sunday and work is not very busy, so I have been looking on line for the movie Touched by Auschwitz, but I can't find it online.  I might reopen my account with Netflix, so I can watch it. I have been reading many reviews about the movie. Me too like Dr. Tadeusz Smreczymski, I believe in kindness, but for adults to stop reenacting these atrocities, they have to face their own childhood repression and treat children with kindness to prevent atrocities like the Holocaust from being repeated in the future. 

This excerpt from  Alice Miller's book For Your Own Good: Hidden cruelty in child-rearing and the roots of violence come  to mind: "INMATES OF A CONCENTRATION CAMP  No one seriously doubts that inmates of a concentration camp underwent terrible suffering.  But when we hear about the physical abuse of children, we react with astonishing equanimity.  Depending on our ideology, we say, “That’s quite normal,” or “children have to be disciplined after all” or “That was the custom in those days,” or “Someone who won’t listen has to be made to feel it,” An elderly gentleman I once met at a party told me with amusement that when he was a little boy his mother had swung him back and forth over a fire she had lighted specially for the purpose of drying his pants and breaking him of the habit of wetting them.  “My mother was the most wonderful person you’d ever want to meet, but that’s the way things were done in our family in those days,” he said.  Such lack of empathy for the suffering of one’s own childhood can result in an astonishing lack of sensitivity to other children’s suffering.  When what was done to me was done for my own good, then I am expected to accept this treatment as an essential part of life and not question it.
This kind of insensitivity thus has its roots in the abuse a person suffered as a child. He or she may be able to remember what happened, but in most cases the emotional content of the whole experience of being beaten and humiliated has been completely repressed.
This is where the difference lies between treating an adult and a child cruelly.  The self has not yet sufficiently developed for a child to retain the memory of it or of the feelings it arouses.  The knowledge that you were beaten and that this, as your parents tell you, was for your own good may well be retained (although not always), but the suffering caused by the way you were mistreated will remain unconscious and will later prevents you from empathizing with others.  This is why battered children grow up to be mothers and fathers who beat their own offspring; from their ranks are recruited the most reliable executioners, concentration-camp supervisors, prison guards, and torturers.  They beat, mistreat, and torture out of an inner compulsion to repeat their own history, and they are able to do this without the slightest feeling of sympathy for their victims because they have identified totally with the aggressive side of their psyche.  These people were beaten and humiliated themselves at such an early age that it was never possible for them to experience consciously the helpless, battered child they once were, In order to do this, they would have needed the aid of an understanding, supportive adult, and no such person was available.  Only under these circumstances would children be able to see themselves as they are at that moment---namely, as weak, helpless, downtrodden, and battered---and thus be able to integrate this part into the self.
Theoretically, a child beaten by his father could afterwards cry his heart out in the arms of a kind aunt and tell her what happened; she would not try to minimize the child’s pain or justify the father’s actions but would give the whole experience its due weight.  But such good fortune is rare.  The wife of a child-beating fathers shares his attitude toward childrearing or is herself his victim---in either case, she is rarely the child’s advocate.  Such an “aunt” is therefore a great exception, because the battered child is very unlikely to have the inner freedom to seek her out and make use of her.  A child is more likely to opt for a terrible inner isolation and splitting off of his feelings than he is to “tattle” to outsiders about his father or mother.  Therapists know how long it sometimes takes before a child’s resentments, which has been repressed for thirty or forty or even fifty years, can be articulated and relived.

Thus, it may well be that the plight of a little child who is abused is even worse and has more serious consequences for society than the plight of an adult in a concentration camp.  The former camp inmate may sometimes find himself in situation where he feels that he can never adequately communicate the horror of what he has gone through and that others approach him without understanding, with cold and callous indifference, even with disbelief,* but with few exceptions he himself will not doubt the tragic nature of his experiences.  He will never attempt to convince himself that the cruelty he was subjected to was for his own good or interpret the absurdity of the camp as a necessary pedagogical measure; he will usually not attempt to empathize with the motives of his persecutors.  He will find people who have had similar experiences and share with them his feelings of outrage, hatred, and despair over the cruelty he has suffered.

The abused child does not have any of these options.  As I have tried to show in the example of Christiane F., she is alone with her suffering, not only within the family but also within her self.  And because she cannot share her pain with anyone, she is also unable to create a place in her own soul where she could “cry her heart out.”  No arms of a “kind aunt” exist there; “Keep a stiff upper lip and be brave” is the watchword.  Defenselessness and helplessness find no haven in the self of the child, who later, identifying with the aggressor, persecutes these qualities wherever they appear.
A person who from the beginning was forced, whether subjected to corporal punishment or not, to stifle, i.e., to condemn, split off, and persecute, the vital child within himself will spend his whole life preventing this inner danger that he associates with spontaneous feelings from recurring.  But psychological forces are so tenacious that they can rarely be thoroughly suppressed.  They are constantly seeking outlets that will enable them to survive, often in very distorted forms that are not without danger to society.  For example, one person suffering from grandiosity will project his own childish qualities onto the external world, whereas another will struggle against the “evil” within himself.  “Poisonous pedagogy” shows how these two mechanisms are related to each other and how they are combined in a traditional religious upbringing.
In addition to the degree of maturity and those elements of loyalty and of isolation involved in the case of a child, there is another fundamental difference between abuse of children and of adults.  The abused inmates of concentration camp cannot of course offer any resistance, cannot defend themselves against humiliation, but they are inwardly free to hate their persecutors.  The opportunity to experience their feelings, even to share them with other inmates, prevents them from having to surrender their self.  This opportunity does not exist for children.  They must not hate their father---this, the message of the Fourth Commandment, has been drummed into them from childhood; they cannot hate him either, if they must fear losing his love as a result; finally, they do not even want to hate him, because they love him.  Thus, children, unlike concentration-camp inmates, are confronted by a tormentor they love, not one they hate, and this tragic complication will have a devastating influence on their entire subsequent life.
*William G. Niederland’s book Folgen der verfolgung (The results of Persecution) (1980) presents a penetrating analysis of the uncomprehending reception given former inmates as reflected in psychiatric diagnoses."

Bill O'Reilly wasn't fired because of what he did — he was fired because it got out

Bill O'Reilly wasn't fired because of what he did — he was fired because it got out

Neil Macdonald makes a good point in the article in the link above. Yes, Bill O'Reilly perverse behavior was enabled for many years and now is let go, not because of his perverse behavior, but because it got out. 

What about the millions of women like me, that don’t have the dollars to fight these toxic people in the work place, like Bill O’Reily and our live-hoods are destroyed by these toxic people.

OPINION Bill O'Reilly wasn't fired because of what he did — he was fired because it got out. Until this week, he was a rich, powerful creep. Now, he's an unemployed creep, but even richer; as Fox News fired him, it cut him a cheque for $25 million – about a year's salary.
I've never understood why conservatives are willing to pay such staggering amounts to listen to the likes of O'Reilly. He and his peers in the right-wing radio and TV cauldron all use the same tiresome tactics: berating, interrupting, yelling, insulting and yes, lying (even as, with no evident irony, O'Reilly talks about "elevating the discourse")."

Just like the perverse Dr. Julio Machado Vaz in Portugal that I have been trying to tell my story since the year 2000 and I can't get anyone in the #PortugueseMedia to listen.

Will more Women in Portugal Find the Courage to Report Dr. Julio Machado Vaz Sexual Abuse?
What happened to these women in Spain with Dr. Javier Criado, it’s also what happened to me when I was a teenager with the prestigious Dr. Julio Machado Vaz in Portugal! I am sure they are women in the thousands in Portugal, that happened the same thing with them, but Portugal is so much more secretive and protects people in power that women are so much more afraid to come out, that is going to take a lot, for other victims to come out to report his sexual abuse and tell their stories. These women and the whole country have been so brainwashed by Dr. Julio Machado Vaz that probably, they don't even recognize that what happened to them was sexual abuse. It took me over two decades to recognize it as such!

Saturday, April 8, 2017

The Silence from the Media is Deafening

Mr. R.,
How are you?
I hope you, Mrs. R. and A. are doing well.
I’m sorry to bother you, but I thought you might be interested in my story now that part of it is in the public record. I filed a lawsuit against my former employer, Securitas, for discrimination and emotional harassment after I published my book.
You can see details about the court proceedings in the link below:
It’s kind of interesting how this all came about. Your neighbor at C., M. P., hired me to watch his home when he’s away on business, and we’ve actually become great friends. He couldn’t believe what happened to me at S, and he encouraged me to file a complaint of wrongful termination with the EEOC. Unfortunately, by the time I contacted them I had already missed their deadline, but they issued me a letter of my rights to sue and told me that I had 90 days to file the lawsuit. I don’t know how it will end, but I hope it will help raise awareness about emotional harassment in the workplace, especially towards women.
M. has also become a huge fan of my book, and has great respect for its truthfulness, authenticity and honesty. These are the things I value most in life, and I know that my book is a valuable contribution for anyone else who wants to see things more clearly.
I heard journalist Christiane Amanpour give a speech recently and these words really resonated with me: “I believe in being truthful, not neutral. And I believe we must stop banalizing the truth.”
This is why I’m so eager to get my story out. The people at Securitas and at S. wanted to destroy me, because they couldn’t handle the truth. As it turns out, my ex-boss, K. W., killed himself in a standoff with the Police over a bank robbery in Chandler. You can learn more about this incident by following the links below:
The last time we spoke, you mentioned that my book spooks people. I believe that it only spooks people who are living a lie and are threatened by the truth, and that makes it all the more important to get my story out there.
My book is slowly finding an audience, which includes friends like M. P. and Mrs. W., who also lives in C., as well as strangers across the country and around the world who contact me on a regular basis and write great reviews on my amazon page.
I hope you can help me share my story with the general public. Not because it’s my book or my story, but because it’s urgent for society to understand the damaging effects of childhood repression and how it turns people into sociopaths who do everything from intimidate women in the workplace to use the political system to prop themselves up and keep others down. Alice Miller knew what she was talking about when she recognized the damage parents can do to their children, and the world is in dire need for a conversation about what we can do to stop the madness.
Maybe you can help start this conversation by creating a little segment on the evening news, or on a morning show, that highlights these concepts in light of current events, and explains how people must work through their repression if they want to free themselves from lies and illusions.
I’d love to discuss this with you in more detail if you’d like to meet for coffee one day soon.
Thank you for your attention,
Sylvie Shene
Hi E,
Thank you for editing for me the letter to the local news producer.
I have not heard, yet from M. R.. The silence from the media is deafening, they are so afraid of the truth of connected stories and are all about protecting the status quo.
Yes, people can be very weird, especially in the media. These words by Alice Miller are so true: “… Rather than take the risk, they prefer to forgo information that might be of life-death importance for coming generations. So in order not to have to call their own parents into question for a single moment, they cling to outdated, destructive opinions. …Clearly, the prospect of confronting one’s own personal history in this case is an alarming experience. And, as always, the fear of facts is stilled by a fascination with intellectual terms and abstractions aimed at concealing and masking the truth—the truth of facts that appear so threatening… At every attempt to share the new discoveries I made with the public, I ran up against the most determined resistance on the part of the media. It is true I can go on publishing these discoveries in my books, because my publishers are already aware of the growing interest in this topic. But there are other people who have important things to say, and they are dependent on the press. They and their readers rely on essential information not being torpedoed. All too often, however, the media buttress the wall of silence against which all those who have begun to confront their own childhood rebound.”
I have to figure out a way of how to break through the media’s very thick wall of silence. It seems the media only pays attention when there is violence and spilled blood, in our society most people feed on violence and are like vultures looking for dead bodies, especially those in the media. The media only pays attention to violence for pure sensationalism and ratings. It seems violence is the only language they understand and pay attention to, so it going to be hard to penetrate through the media’s wall of silence.
Also read the Open Letter to the Media of June 27, 2015

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

A sociopath will attempt to drain you of everything

I can testify to that! After I published my book the sociopaths at my job of nine and half years saw me as a threat and they gathered all their forces at their command to try destroy me; they were too emotionally blind to see that once a person is truly free, cannot be trapped again! And coming after me, they just exposed themselves, what they feared the most! "A sociopath will attempt to drain you of everything you have including your money, emotional well being, power, reputation and status. If they see you as a threat to their deceitful lifestyle, they will come after you. They would want to see you become completely desolate. They might try to get your fired from your job and begin to bad mouth you to friends. Take any possible preemptive measures." Read more here  

Monday, March 27, 2017

Barack Obama Would have Won, if Could Have Run Again

To Win Again, Democrats Must Stop Being the Abortion Party

The article in the link above is all BS. Hillary Clinton didn't win because of sexism and nothing else, if Obama could have run again, he would have won. This election showed us that America people are a lot more sexist than racist. 

In America no matter what woman is running, will never be the right woman! This election showed us loud and clear that there are different standards for women and men in this country! Donald Trump literally could get away with murder and not lose any votes. As he said he could stand on New York’s Fifth Avenue “and shoot somebody” and still not lose voters." 

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Your lovely book!

Your “journey” has brought you to a level of understanding and peace that so few have.  And you had to share your life’s story so that others could benefit…and you did it in a way that others could understand and see that they, too, could overcome the bonds of their childhood and live a full life.  Thank you!
I have primarily focus my “journey” on my “spiritual” growth and have neglected my true emotional development.  My spiritual journey has brought me to a level of peace and acceptance of many things that apparently upset others such as sexual identity, death, abortion, and other social issues.  As a psychologist who had provided therapy and a lot of psychodiagnostic testing, I have neglected my emotional history (like many you refer to).  Like so many I, too, always remembered by childhood in such positive ways due to having a “happy” childhood.  After I divorced my first wife, my parents “disowned” me.  They couldn’t accept that their son would do such a thing and hurt his wife and children (three daughters). I excused them since I knew that “lose” was an issue within their lives since they had lost a son before I had been born.   Then I began to realize how their “love” had always been so conditional and they had always dealt with any strong emotional issue by withdrawing themselves and their love.  After losing my second wife of 16 years to brain cancer, I met Sally.  We are best friends and now (since 12/12/12) are husband and wife!
Sally had a journey like yours with much emotional abuse as a child from parents who were both schizophrenic and alcoholics and who through her two marriages and much therapy and AA involvement transcended into a loving and self-understanding person.  Between Sally confronting me with my past and challenging and encouraging me to look again at those sources of issues and then reading your book has opened new understanding….my journey continues in letting those experiences and early emotions (much which were denied and excused by my parents since they were both emotionally unavailable due to their own issues) come forth, experience them, confront them, and then move on with even greater peace and love of myself and others.  My journey continues!
Thank you!  Being dyslexic as a child, you have overcome or mastered your learning issues to be able to relate in a wonderful way to others.  Your style of writing is easy to read, enjoyable, and thought provoking.  Great job!  I’ve tested children and adults for dyslexia and other learning disabilities throughout my career and still do evaluations for college students seeking special accommodations on tests (extended time, alternative test taking site, etc.) and consult with some local private schools, doing testing for children with learning or emotional issues so that they can receive special educational services.  I love doing the testing and have given up all therapy since I’m semi-retired.
I do agree with you about “therapists” and other mental health people.  When I was seeking therapy for myself during my divorce, I had much difficulty finding someone I could relate to and with whom I felt comfortable.  I do know several who would meet your criterion who are loving, caring, and very self-aware of themselves and their own histories and who are really good and effective therapists.  You might like to read Voices in the Family by Dan Gottlieb.  Dan is a friend who has been paralyzed for a number of years (from a car accident) and was on NPR for a while.  He lives in southern NJ and had practiced in Philadelphia.  He continues to write and has a number of books, several talking with his grandson who has autism about life (Letters to Sam).  He, like you, writes in a comforting and loving way through which others can abstract the underlying emotions and gather great wisdom and understanding about themselves and others.
I’ll end now but just wanted you to know a little about the effect that your book had on me and some of my background.   I will continue to grow in emotional understanding and spiritual awareness, even more now due to reading your book.  Thank you for your life, your sharing of it, and for being a really caring person!  Peace.
E (I look forward to continued communication and friendship via FB, blogs, email, etc.)

Hi E,
I’m sorry it took me so long to reply to your e-mail, but still needing a real job at the moment to take care of myself; it takes a lot of my time and most days after work I’m beat with little time and without disposition to write anymore. Having a job dealing with the public, where almost everyone unconsciously and compulsively are looking for a scapegoat to take revenge for the wrongs done to them when they were defenseless little children and having to be constantly on guard, it’s very draining that after work I just want to relax, go for walk and play with my cats.
Thank you for writing to share so much about yourself with me. I don’t come across very often of mental health professionals willing to share anything about themselves.
It means a lot to me that someone in the metal health profession appreciates my book and doesn’t feel threaten by  it, like most do, actually you are the first person in the mental health profession not to feel threaten by it. Most feel too threaten by me and pretend not to see me and don’t acknowledge my existence — hoping I will never get notice by anyone.
Hearing that you find my book helpful in your own journey and opened your understanding; makes all my hard work of writing it and all the emotional harassment I have been through in the work place after I publish my book worthwhile.
I’m sorry your present wife, S had a similar journey to mine with much emotional abuse and neglect as a child from parents that were both schizophrenic and alcoholics. No child should be born to suffer all alone in an emotional desert island like we did. But we are a few of the lucky ones that after a long journey, we have been able to break free, from the emotional prison of our childhood with two health legs to stand on without crutches  and able enjoy the rest of our lives in freedom.  I had exactly the same experience as Alice Miller, just like she wrote in her article  “The Longest Journey”  “ has been a very long Journey, it has taken me also all of my life to finely free myself of all the crutches and get two healthy legs to stand on.”
I’m sorry your parents disowned you after you got divorced. I had my dancing money embezzled and pretty much rejected and ostracized by everyone — so in a way I have been disowned too — being rejected and ostracized is a price we pay, most of the time, for being authentic and true to ourselves, but all of my life has been a risk I’m willing to take. I rather die than live a false life like most people. All of my life I could not help myself, but be true to myself.
Staying true to ourselves even at the risk of losing the people we love, the pain is deep but we must stay true to ourselves.  These words by Alice Miller are so true: “…Witness of sudden political upheavals report again and again with what astonishing facility many people are able to adapt to a new situation. Overnight they can advocate views totally different from those they held the day before—without noticing the contradiction. With the change in power structure, yesterday has completely disappeared for them.
And yet, even if this observation should apply to many—perhaps even the most—people, it is not true for everyone. There have always been individuals who refused to be reprogrammed quickly, if ever. We could use our psychoanalytic knowledge to address the question of what causes this important, even crucial, difference; with its aid, we could attempt to discover why some people are so extraordinarily susceptible to the dictates of leaders and groups and why others remain immune to these influences.
We admire people who oppose the regime in a totalitarian country and think they have courage or a “strong moral sense” or have remained “true to their principles” or the like.  We may also smile at their naiveté, thinking, “Don’t they realize that their words are of no use at all against this oppressive power?  That they will have to pay dearly for their protest?”
Yet it is possible that both those who admire and those who scorn these protesters are missing the real point:  individuals who refuse to adapt to a totalitarian regime are not doing so out a sense of duty or because of naiveté but because they cannot help but be true to themselves.  The longer I wrestle with these questions, the more I am inclined to see courage, integrity, and a capacity for love not as “virtues,” not as moral categories, but as the consequences of a benign fate.
Morality and performance of duty are artificial measures that become necessary when something essential is lacking.  The more successfully a person was denied access to his or her feelings in childhood, the larger the arsenal of intellectual weapons and the supply of moral prostheses has to be, because morality and a sense of duty are not sources of strength or fruitful soil for genuine affection.  Blood does not flow in artificial limbs; they are for sale and can serve many masters.  What was considered good yesterday can—depending on the decree of government or party—be considered evil and corrupt today, and vice versa.  But those who have spontaneous feelings can only be themselves.  They have no other choice if they want to remain true to themselves.  Rejection, ostracism, loss of love, and name calling will not fail to affect them; they will suffer as a result and will dread them, but once they have found their authentic self they will not want to lose it.  And when they sense that something is being demanded of them to which their whole being says no, they cannot do it.  They simply cannot.”
Again thank you for writing and congratulations for your courage to be authentic even at the risk of losing the people you love.
Best wishes,

Beauty Stealer

Good day Sylvie,

Thank you for your last email and for taking a great chunk of your time writing and sharing with me about real stuff.

Today I want to take it a little lightly since it’s Friday.

I saw your post on FB about not wasting anymore of yourself on ''obtuse'' and senseless beings. Congratulations!  Basically, I find that all this hard work is paying off in the simple fact that you know who you are and you are only looking for soul connections to share your precious time, energy and spirited being with. Point final!

Unfortunately, or fortunately, very few individuals are worth this special kind of attention and dedication that, as a loving and available and free person, you are opened to share and give. But at no cost will you settle for less and pretend that you feel fulfilled by a shallow relationship.  That's how I interpret what you are dealing with lately.

More time for yourself, your work, your correspondence and your purpose!!!

I feel the same and I have felt like this pretty much all my life.  Maybe that's what saved me from drowning in my own drama or from associating and reproducing with dangerous people.  I call them as my title says: Beauty stealers.  If your soul is poisoned, your body will also suffer.  I have become an expert at identifying these people and consequently my social life is very minimal.  I have a strong aversion for anything or anyone that makes me feel like I'm wasting my precious life away.  Don't get me wrong here; I am not keeping myself from spending time with people who challenge my comfort zone and I can totally recognize and appreciate adversity. It's pure growth. In my utopian world, we could all benefit from exchanging point of views and differences with wide opened eyes and free from judgment.  When your soul is healthy you don't need religion, gurus, gangs, politics, drugs and all the soul wrecking addictions out there to know what's right and what's wrong.  Not only for you as an individual but for all the living things on this planet.  You have respect for yourself and for your surroundings.  You seek harmony and constructiveness. Not possession, control and destruction.  I think I was born on the wrong planet.:).

As I want to keep it light, I want you to know that I'm grateful for our communication and feel that I'm expanding since I've started to write my story to you.  I'm looking forward to deepen my liberating journey and for sharing more experiences in our letters.  The emails are very convenient after all and even if you feel bad about not answering fast enough I know you are willing to.  Time is always running out. Like money. Like quality...

Have a great weekend and I'll send you my reply about your last message.

Keep following your guts Sylvie! Self-preservation and pure animalistic instinct in the jungle will keep us alive and well.
Have some fun!
Dear M, 

Thank you for your very encouraging and thoughtful letter. I agree with everything you wrote. I felt the same as you all of my life and that is probably why I was able to eventually break free and I too like you not drown in all the drama and reproduce with unconscious men.
Once we resolve our repression and liberate ourselves, we can't go on as if, and at no cost we will settle for less and pretend that we feel fulfilled by a shallow relationship. I always say it's better to be alone and to know that I am alone than to be with someone and nevertheless to be alone. I don't feel lonely when I am alone, but I feel lonely sometimes when I am with people.

You are a breath of fresh air, because I don’t come across many people that communicates at the emotional level as clear as you. Congratulations! Most people I know are lost in their sharp intellect and totally disconnected from their true authentic feelings deceiving themselves and others, incapable of understanding their own feelings and the feelings of others.

 So true, if we take others poisons, our body will suffer. Congratulations in no longer be willing to take others poisons. You are so right when our soul is free or healthy and we are autonomous human beings, we don't need drugs, religion, gurus, gangs, politics, to teach us what is wrong or right for us, we naturally know it and we are not interested in possessions, manipulations, control and destruction. Me too I think I was born in the wrong planet.

Enjoy your new found freedom,